Beneath the Jellicle Moon
by Triskell
Summary: A story following Etcetera’s and Electra’s coming of age, both sexually and emotionally. Rated (mild) R for the moment, for language and sexual allusions. (FINISHED)
1. Chapter 1

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Title: Beneath the Jellicle Moon – Chapter 1 

Author: Triskell

Fandom: CATS (musical)

Rating: Mild R (language, allusions to sex)

Summary: A story following Etcetera's and Electra's coming of age, both sexually and emotionally.

Disclaimer: CATS and associated characters belong to ALW, TSE, and RUG. I make no money off this fic and intend no copyright infringement. No kitties were harmed in the writing of this fic.

Author's Note: The story doesn't quite follow the musical's plotline and I shamelessly abuse 'Memory' for my own twisted ends winks. I had parts of the story written, then took a loooong break and now felt like continuing. I apologize for the crappy formatting -- FanfictionNet doesn't like me.

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BENEATH THE JELLICLE MOON – CHAPTER 1

© Triskell, Sept/Dec 2001, March/April 2002, Sept 2004

_

* * *

Have you ever watched the stars at night? There are a sheer endless number of them sparkling in the darkness of the sky. It's a mysterious sight, strangely soothing._

_And then there's the moon – so silent and silvery and always the same or so it seems. But she isn't the same. Everyone sees her in a different light, for everyone the shadows fall another way, giving her a unique appearance._

_In their kittenhood, most Jellicles don't really notice. Why should they? But as they grow older, observe the heavens more carefully, the moon speaks to them. It is said that on the first night a cat truly sees his or her very own picture of their guardian, the Jellicle Moon, they become adults._

_True, this seems strange. And most kittens never believe the stories they are told by the older cats when they can't sleep at night. They speak of love and adventure, of souls meant to be together that are bound in one mysterious moment under the Jellicle Moon._

_But in their own time, kittens find that their elders' conviction and awe are well founded. The old tales come true, for each and every one of them..._

* * *

Etcetera and Electra had been friends for a long time – and ever since they had reached that stage in between kitten- and adulthood, they had often been seen sitting side by side, in deep, sincere conversation. They shared their little secrets, the thoughts close to their heart, and sometimes, just the latest gossip. After a while their easy companionship changed and as they grew older and their secrets more heavy, they forged a bond that was to last a lifetime. 

It was on another quiet, moonlit night, that Etcetera confided to her friend she loved the Rum Tum Tugger. At any time before, Electra would have teased her, perhaps they would have laughed over such a folly together; but the look in Etcetera's blue eyes was serious and her jaw set in that stubbornly determined way. Electra couldn't help but know her friend was in earnest, that it was more than a kittenish crush and she pitied Etcetera for wanting someone she didn't truly know and couldn't possibly have the way she wanted him. Deep inside, she envied her friend as well. She at least know the tom she desired without the shadow of a doubt. She had the courage to care for someone who had probably never truly looked upon her.

"I want him to be my first lover, El; and my only one."

The quiet, determined words shook Electra to the core yet she managed to acknowledge her friend with a brisk nod, pushing all the things that came to her mind away ruthlessly. It was Etcy's choice, not hers.

"You think I'm being stupid, don't you?"

"I just don't understand."

"There's more to him than he lets us see...and I want to find out. But he won't let me – not yet – no one gets this close to him and he still thinks of me as a kitten."

"That won't change if..."

"I will ask him to spend the night of my first Jellicle Moon with me. If I see the moon reflected in his eyes I will know that my heart has chosen right. And if it has, then that night will bring us closer, if not, nothing ever will..."

Etcetera's eyes were wide and open. She believed in the Jellicle Moon and all the stories she had been told. Electra on the other hand didn't – they had often discussed it and neither of them had changed their mind. But Etcetera's artless trust in the lore of the tribe was something Electra could not question without reserve, as she had no better wisdom to offer herself.

"What if..."

"...he says 'no'?" the Etcetera finished for her. She nodded. And then, for a moment, something shone in her friend's eyes, a touch of 'forever'. Etcetera smiled dreamily as she continued, giving her answer, "He can't deny me. And he won't push me away."

Electra was silent, sitting beside her friend throughout the night, wondering how she had come to be there – how she came to sit beside a kitten she thought she had known, but who had grown up so quickly and quietly she hadn't even noticed it...

* * *

A few days later, a headache hammering against her skull, Electra walked home. She had spent the morning and early evening kittensitting Cassandra's litter while the elder queen took a break and went for a walk with Bombalurina. 

The three little kits, coloured white, brown, and black were cuties, and she would have loved them dearly had they not been so very active. Running about her, chasing her tail, creeping up to her from behind and sinking their minuscule claws into her legs and back to get her attention – crying, squeaking shrilly, and hopping off in any and all directions, never heeding her...

She was exhausted, and her body was showing her just how much she had over exerted herself – she hadn't even slept much the previous night. Someone was calling her and she stopped, turning and looking at the speaker blearily.

Etcetera – a white silhouette in the shadows, a young cat illuminated by a strong, silent moon. She glowed, smiling radiantly as she crept forward, towards her friend, her every step like a whisper against the cool ground.

"Do you see it?"

Etcetera stood beside Electra and her voice was deeper than usual, breathless and slightly hoarse, "The Jellicle Moon – I see it tonight." She touched Electra's arm lightly, "The tribe's coming together at the tire. Old D wants to make an announcement."

"I won't go."

The still, commanding airiness of the moon above frightened her – it was nothing like the moon of her kittenhood, suddenly it was new and it spoke to her heart in a way that was almost an audible whisper in her ear. But she refused to name it, refused to see what she knew was right before her.

"You gotta come, El! The moon's here, calling to you. I know you hear her. Tonight's our time and you can't hide from it. The Jellicle Moon will bind your heart to your soul mate's..."

"That's just a story!"

"When you see each other tonight, you will know you're meant to be."

"Or you just jump into bed with the first tom who shows interest cause you think it's him!"

Etcetera giggled brightly, smiling, "Don't be so pessimistic. If you are adamant about NOT wanting to find your soul mate, you might as well have fun with a handsome tom."

Electra stared at her, dumbfounded. Was that the same kitten who, only a few days ago, had talked to her about feeling a connection, about emotions, about love, disregarding the mere physical aspects of sex?

"Come on El! It's your night! Let your feelings guide you – just let go, let them lead."

The dark young queen shuddered involuntarily in the breeze. This sounded so little like her playmate, and yet it was the voice of a kitten, the innocent gaze of a cat who was trying to convince her of the truth in the tales told by their elders, by those who had had their share of life and love.

She looked up at the sky, almost hesitantly. At the Jellicles' guardian – the full moon smiling down at her. Ages of knowledge hidden beneath her milky surface, shrouded by the grey mists hanging all around her in the skies.

Maybe Etcetera was right. Would it really hurt to be irresponsible, carefree and off her guard for just one night? Would something change if she stopped thinking for only a moment and trusted her instincts?

"Alright, let's go to that meeting then..."

* * *

Electra sat gloomily beside her smiling friend, a little put out by Etcetera's unwavering enthusiasm for the moon's brightness. She was beginning to regret her decision to come to the meeting, she knew that something would happen to her, that her life would change its course. And the uncertainty of how and in what way that change would occur was very unpleasant. 

Deuteronomy was droning on about some thing or other. It included pollicles and parks, though she didn't listen carefully enough to make sense of it. Nor did she care much for what the old cat had to say. It was another one of these pointless talks made to the tribe in the hope of getting everyone involved in day-to-day business. In truth, Munkustrap usually handled these things – briskly and efficiently.

Looking about her, Electra noticed she was not the only one who was bored. Bombalurina stifled a yawn now and then, Victoria kept her attention fixed on Bill's tail as it slowly swung to and fro in front of her paws, willing her to pounce upon it. A friendly teasing, a game between kittens. Electra couldn't remember having played it.

Carby was already fast asleep, his head resting against Jelly's shoulder who, in turn, was whispering to Jenny, blatantly ignoring the old leader. The young queen's eyes roamed some more, noting Alonzo's backside favourably and resting for a moment longer on Admetus' bonelessly sprawled form than she had intended.

He was handsome alright. Especially at times like this, when he was dozing, unaware of being looked at, comfortable, at ease. Usually, he was one of those toms who tried desperately not to draw the queens' attention onto them. Much like...Quaxo. Electra gazed at his favourite spot in the small rusty pipe at the foot of the tire – he wasn't there.

She hadn't seen him much of late, and somehow it seemed that just then his absence sent a gnawing sense of something indefinable, but vaguely disconcerting, through her. She raised her eyes to the moon again, as if she were, for the first time, truly seeing the pale orb.

It is the first time that, under the Jellicle Moon, you realize the beauty that is in you which makes you special in the eyes of your Chosen One. As you look upon each other, you will know your souls are one, and as you join paws and bind yourselves to each other in the vows of matehood, the Jellicle Moon will watch over you, her light a cloak for you in your first night together.

Electra closed her eyes, stifling a sigh. Those fairy tales couldn't possibly be true. Could her destiny already be fixed in the stars above her and she, a puppet without choice, forced to follow the course the moon had set for her?

What she had disliked the most about the stories was that it seemed the young queens were always sitting somewhere, daintily perfumed, their coats shining softly, waiting for their knight-in-shining-armour, their true love to come and win them.

By the goodness of his heart and the purity of his soul, by his inner beauty. How romantic. Corny and unrealistic. She supposed that those heroes were dashingly handsome as well, for, she believed that first impressions, the physical, were still the most important thing when it came to attract someone's attention. And for all that she was on friendly terms with the whole tribe, she was not truly close to anyone except Etcetera. So it all came down to the fact that she would have to really _meet_ someone she supposedly knew. And in this, inner beauty – whatever that was – would not be rated as a bonus without a pretty face to go with it.

Electra turned her gaze towards the nearest junk pile. No one was perfect, least of all her. If ever a tom chanced to find her attractive, there was always the question of his wanting to live with her, _be_ with her: Everyday life, common things, boredom. That was what the tales failed to illustrate. The simple truth that she sometimes thought only she could see.

It was then, into a sudden stillness that an old voice softly sang into her ear,

_Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight,_

_Let the shadows descend now_

_Open up, enter in._

_In the moonlight your lover's face appears like a dream_

_And the darkness cloaks you both._

The melody was not new to her, nor the singer. Grizabella, the bedraggled stranger who had come into their midst almost a year before at the Jellicle Ball. She had not made many friends, simply been there, stayed. Jenny and Jelly took to and cared for her until she passed away quietly a month or so later.

Her grave, beneath an old cherry tree in the corner of a human cemetery close to the vicarage, had become one of Electra's favourite spots. She could be alone there, play with the blossoms that lay on the cool soil like a silken shroud or just lie on her back staring up at the soft, green leaves above her, at the daring red fruits ready to fall onto the ground.

Though she had never felt a real connection to Grizabella, she was never more at peace than when she sat at the old queen's grave. And the voice that had fallen silent already was now whispering into her ear, speaking of things she dared not acknowledge – the lore of the tribe, the truth behind the stories...

_Every moment seems to beat in restless contemplation,_

_Like your fancy as the dawn is breaking_

_Your lover's voice is fading –_

_Touch him, it's so easy to leave him_

_All alone in the darkness_

_That hides your heart with a sigh_

_Go and touch him and you will make your dreams come true_

_Look, a new life can begin..._

A rustle beside her – Electra looked up, meeting brown eyes, a slow smile, "That boring?"

She shrugged, hoping to hide the shudder that ran through her body like lightning. Her fur tingled, bristling against the breeze, the wind that enveloped her, touched her almost in a caress, strangely comforting...

"Hey, Misto, where've ya been?" Quite obviously, Etcetera didn't seem to be similarly affected by the warm voice. Electra took a shallow breath, trying to avoid looking at the tom near her.

_Touch him, it's so easy to leave him_

_All alone in the darkness_

_That hides your heart with a sigh..._

The voice swelled inside her head, her heart beating and a slow warmth spreading in her stomach. "Quaxo?"

Was it her own voice that she heard?

"Yes?" He was looking at her intently, clearly waiting for her to elaborate.

"What took you so long?" Etcetera had obviously sensed her confusion and the distress that was welling up inside her and taken control of the conversation.

"Tanto insisted I clean up after practice..."

A mischievous sparkle in his eyes made it perfectly clear that there was more and Quaxo didn't disappoint the young queens, "...and change Cori's fur pattern back. She thought Jenny's markings didn't suit him – I thought he looked great in orange..."

Etcetera giggled and Electra forced a smile, the pounding in her head returning along with the weariness that had overwhelmed her earlier. Her strange reaction to Quaxo was surely all the product of an overactive imagination at the end of a long, tiring day. The young tom looked at her again and she shuddered, suppressing a sigh, "I'm tired, I think I'll go home."

"You don't look good, El." Not really the most charming thing to say to a young queen; Quaxo cursed his lack of gentlemanliness. But the dark kitten simply nodded, "Probably looking as bad as I feel. Kittensitting's not my thing."

"Heaviside! I shouldn't have made you come! You were with Cassie's kits all day! No wonder you're tired!" Etcetera was concerned, as usual, "I'll take you home."

"No, I'm fine. You got other things to...see to."

The mild nod towards Tugger was probably not necessary to convey her meaning, but Electra couldn't resist it nevertheless. Getting to her paws, she trudged off, mumbling a greeting to Quaxo, steadfastly ignoring the warmth that ran through her as the young tom laid a paw on her shoulder, wishing her a good rest. She didn't see the dark eyes following her retreating form nor the confusion apparent in them after the young tom had cast a questioning glance up at the moon above.

* * *

Etcetera excused herself from Quaxo as well, intent now only on the lanky black form lounging on an old cushion a little above and to the right of the tire. Making sure that her mother was still occupied with Carby and Jenny and not paying attention to her, she looked up. Smiling, she caught the elder tom's attention with a soft, "Hi Tugger." 

"Etcy." His voice was smooth, silky. The moonlight played on his mane, catching the gold and smothering it in a white, silvery sheen of light.

"I'd like to ask...something...of you."

Raising an eyebrow questioningly, Tugger leaned back comfortably, wondering what the little wild fang would request. A lock from his mane? Vicky had done that once. Or perhaps his collar. Bomb had coveted it – until he got her a new one, spikes and red stones. He smiled lightly. He knew the queens in the junkyard so well – he had observed them closely, studied their ways.

He called them all by their nicknames, like an old friend. An intimate part of their lives and always removed from them. Keeping his distance as he preferred. Giving them what they desired, asking nothing but their not caring for him; love was a many faceted emotion.

"Yes?" He prompted, feeling quite confident.

A faint blush tinged the bright fur, almost invisible in the night's shadows and yet he saw it. Met her eyes, blue, darkened by the failing light, a milky orb shimmering in their depths... He blinked, hardly noticing she was stepping closer, climbing the junk pile, settling down at his side. His gaze never left hers. She leant towards him, her breath a caress on his neck, eye contact broken as she whispered shyly, "Let me be with you tonight."

Moonlight on pale fur creates a stunning effect. Sometimes cream or white is enhanced, sometimes it glows with a silvery sheen and sometimes it simply shines like a halo around a form, enhancing each muscle, each curve.

He had noticed her before, yet she had looked different then – like a kitten. He tried to tell himself that it was the play of light and shadows on her body that made her seem so fascinating suddenly, that the pull he felt towards her was only natural, a physical desire any young queen could generate.

Young queen. She had grown up and he hadn't realized. Not until this moment, under the moon when she asked him to share her bed. Innocent and yet knowing. She was offering him more than her body. Carefree, fun-loving, and wild, but there had always been a seriousness about her; an earnestness when it came to emotions, listening to her instincts, her heart.

"Don't ask me." His tone should have been cold, discouraging. Instead, it brimmed with too much warmth and understanding. He had understood her and the magnitude of what she wanted, what she offered, scared him. She smiled, "But I am asking. Can you refuse a queen's request to be her first lover?"

She had thought about it, not that it hadn't been clear to him before. Ancient tradition would have it that kittens were allowed, even in those times when females didn't have the right to speak for themselves, to chose the tom for their first sexual encounter. And custom dictated that it was a request not to be refused unless there were very good reasons. Enmity between the families, a previous commitment on the tom's side, that kind of thing – none of them quite fit to get him out of his present predicament. The only thing he had was his honest belief he wasn't worth the trust placed in him and unsure he could return the feelings he was asked to share.

"There are better choices."

"I have chosen," blue eyes met his, fearlessly, "now it's your turn. Yes or No. Between us."

Offering him a way out. Tugger looked at her, saw the set of her jaw. She had set her heart upon this and yet she wanted him to willingly have her, not just because tradition would have it. He could turn away and no one would ever know; no one but him. He got up slowly, holding out his paw to her, "Let's take a walk." His voice was rough. He wouldn't let her down and make her enjoy the experience – all he had to do was to be careful that she didn't touch him more deeply than her innocent eyes already had. And he would have to make it clear he could promise her nothing more than this night.

* * *

Electra walked through the shadows of the yard, tired, but unable to resist the pull of the moon, the magic of the air around her that made warmth rise in her stomach and led her heart to ache for something she couldn't name. 

It confused her, this sudden emotional turmoil and the sensations running through her body. Not entirely unpleasant, but unknown and frightening because of their novelty. She would have liked to simply go home, to lie down and sleep. And she knew she wouldn't be able to, because there was something inside her prompting her to wander, her eyes fixed on the moon until she found a quiet spot in the still darkness to settle down and rest.

It wasn't long before she heard the padding of paws on the ground – and though she should have wondered at who it might be, she was not afraid. Her gaze rested on the sky until the other cat spoke, softly, "Can't sleep?"

She shrugged, turning slightly to look at the elder tom's silhouette that was startlingly clear in the night. He gave her a slow smile as he sat down near her, not too close for comfort, keeping a perfectly respectful distance. That she was disappointed not to be able to feel the warmth emanating from him was disconcerting...

"What about you?"

"Hm?"

"Unable to sleep?"

"No, on watch."

"Pollicles or strays?"

He laughed quietly, "Neither – Old D's talk got Munku's instincts on overdrive. So he's overprotective and decided that we'd have to be on the look-out whether or not trouble's actually afoot – to be on the safe side. Suppose it's that he thinks – again – that Demeter's going to have kittens."

Electra couldn't remember having ever heard him speak so much before. Her response startled her almost as much as the tom beside her, since she had unconsciously raised her voice so much it echoed in the stillness around them, "He'd be a great father."

"Probably. His kits will rebel against his rules and he'll be proud of them for it."

"Isn't that how it should be?"

"I wouldn't know Electra. I haven't had much of a family."

His voice betrayed a slight wistfulness and the young queen looked up at the moon again, a soft sigh escaping her lips. He followed her gaze and smiled, knowingly this time, "Feeling the moon's pull, are you?"

"Ah...I...what makes you say that?" she pulled her eyes away from the pale orb above them.

"I was your age once too, you know."

"But...it's only stories. Nothing to believe in."

"Perhaps. And then again...maybe they aren't. I still haven't fully comprehended what happened to me that night. Though I've been taught to believe that there's a truth in each tale."

"Do you believe in love, Admetus?" this time Electra turned to him, fixing her entire attention on him and waiting for his answer. Strange to sit there with him, a grown tom, in the glow of the Jellicle Moon, feeling her emotions wreaking havoc on her mind and her body tensing reflexively as she noticed the steady rise and fall of his chest, the gleam of his creamy fur broken by the darker stripes and spots. She understood that strange physical attraction – it was unfamiliar, but not as scary as the emotions that had plagued her when she looked at Quaxo.

"I can't tell you much about love," Admetus' smile widened as he continued, "You have to experience it for yourself. It's different for each and every one."

"The moon makes me feel...things...and they confuse me. They're so new and strange and awe-inspiring."

The elder tom laughed, "Yes. But also very exciting."

"I want to go home and forget about it all but I just know I can't." She almost pouted, looking much more like playful Etcetera than her usually quiet self.

"You can't run from these feelings, Electra. You'll have to make up your mind what to do."

"Etcy said the same earlier this evening."

"Fervent believer in tribe lore, isn't she?"

"You know much more than you let on." It was surprising that one of the most honest conversations she had had with one of her elders was with Admetus of all cats; he wasn't known for being open and easily approachable, nor for saying much.

"I observe. Talking to most cats is simply tedious gossiping – a waste of time," seeing his companion's face darken slightly he added, shaking his head, "You are obviously not one of them, Electra."

"Thank you." She smiled, realizing she was comfortable in his company though her body still ached dully – for a touch of his– which she didn't feel she had the right to expect or even contemplate. But she was at peace for the first time since the moon had begun threatening her safe, understandable, little world.

"Want me to walk you home?"

"What about your watch?"

"It's not as if the danger that _doesn't_ lurk around here would choose just this moment to strike..."

"Munku'd skin you for saying that!"

Admetus grinned with a hint of cheekiness, "I can't help defying the Tabby Knight now and then – he's so perfect his halo outshines the sun."

Electra chuckled, "You sound like Tugger now."

"Him and me – we're more alike than most suppose. At least when it comes to our relationship with Munku. He needs some friends to tease him into a loss of control now and then. He's always been far too serious for his own good."

Electra chuckled, her heart beating faster as she held out her paw and he took it gingerly, all too conscious of his body heat as she stood in front of him. Raising her eyes, she saw him grin down at her and something clicked in place in her mind. She remembered her conversation with her friend and cocked her head.

"What?" Admetus' voice was a little softer than before, as if he were apprehensive of the look in her eyes all of a sudden.

"Kiss me?"

"You'd better think..." his sentence was cut off by the young queen stretching up and pressing her lips to his. Electra wasn't entirely sure she _wanted_ to give in to the desire, on this night, but she felt that Admetus was special, that perhaps his coming across her was more than just coincidence. He was kind and she felt safe with him; the way he said her name, surprised, when she pulled back making little shivers run across her spine. She sized him up, strangely calm, "I've thought about it. I want this."

He looked at her, doubtfully, not quite sure when their innocent conversation had changed enough to end with them facing such a decision – or more precisely, with him facing the choice of whether to take her home or take her up on the offer apparent in her body language and her words.

Not that it wasn't an enticing one. He might not be promiscuous, but he could appreciate queens' many attractions, their pretty faces and lithe bodies. And he definitely liked what he saw when looking at Electra. Small, compact, with a touch of sensuality she was probably still unaware of exuding. She was particularly striking just then, the shadows seemingly converging with her silhouette, yet never close enough to swallow her since moonlight reflected off the few white stripes and patches in her fur, exotic and alluring.

The choice was less difficult than he had supposed it would be, "As you wish."

He took a firm hold of her paw, instinctively realizing from her posture and touch that for all her doubts she was ready for what she was planning with him. A few spare clouds discreetly veiled the moon as they set off, as if hiding their little secret from the white orb's watchful eyes...

* * *

It was too late, he had failed himself – and her as well. The slender body curled up close to his side, a leg thrown across his own and a soft, warm paw draped almost possessively across his chest – a connection that should never have been. 

It was his own fault, of course. She had affected him from the first and yet he had taken the time to talk to her, listen to her. Appreciated the points she made, taken the slow approach, not just brought her to his place although that would have been enough to fulfil his obligation.

And for all that he wanted to think of it as such he couldn't quite bring himself to do it. Not when he had met her eyes, the delighted, open smile. How could he not have returned it? How could he have kept himself aloof from the desires, the feelings she stirred inside him so unconsciously?

No make believe, no lies, and yet a dream that would fade away with the morning light. He couldn't give her what was already hers – she had caught his heart under the moon the night before, without deliberation or cunning. He had kissed her with gentleness, not with passion, had lost the steady detachment that made being with Bombalurina so easy and so satisfying. Theirs was a friendship with benefits, which they both enjoyed. With Etcetera it had run deeper, a connection body to body, soul to soul. It shouldn't have happened to him, this falling in love thing – he'd always been so careful. And yet, he'd been caught by those qualities he'd always most appreciated in a queen – frankness, honesty, and determination.

Etcetera shifted in her sleep, muttering and drawing his unresisting form closer towards her own. He let her cuddle up to him, sharing his warmth, indulging in his own downfall – he would let her go in the morning, pretend his feelings were not engaged, that it had been no more than the night she had asked of him, the night he had promised. She was too young yet, too carefree, and too trusting to be burdened with a tom who had spent the better part of his life running from his heart.

Moonlight still fell through the slit between the washed out red curtains in front of his window, one sliver of silver resting lightly upon her relaxed features – the face of a kitten still, but the eyes of a queen. _His_ queen for all that he promised himself he would never let her know.

* * *

Electra was softly shaken awake in the early morning, still cuddled close to Admetus' tall form. The elder tom looked quizzically at her as she hurriedly disentangled herself from him, "I hope you don't have second thoughts." 

"It's too late anyway." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She didn't want to make Admetus feel bad for something that was her own fault entirely, her decision.

"I'm sorry, Electra."

Glancing up, she smiled, meeting his eyes, "No need to be. It's just... strange to wake up with someone. Last night was lovely."

"Only lovely?" He raised an eyebrow, faking a hurt expression that made her chuckle. She punched him playfully, seeing the sparkle of mirth in his eyes, "You know very well what I meant. Thank you."

"My pleasure, Electra."

She was unsure about asking, but she had to, "Will you...I mean...I'd like to..."

"Keep this a secret?"

The young queen sighed, nodding, "I'd appreciate that. But also...perhaps we could just...talk some time, you know... I don't want a relationship or anything, just that... I don't want to forget it and I do like you..."

Her first night with a tom. It hadn't been bad, only slightly awkward, and she did indeed like Admetus. He had a mischievous sense of humour and she could see them becoming friends. However, if the tribe found out she'd been with Admetus, Jenny would start fussing – not prying, just asking in her usual concerned, motherly fashion how it had been – and mentally start planning for a matehood ceremony. Which was a ridiculous notion since last night had been about physical intimacy, nothing to do with love.

Her emotions were still in a turmoil though. Though she knew somehow that the physical pull she had felt the night before was gone and wouldn't return with such force, she couldn't forget her reaction to Quaxo which had been so very unlike the one that had prompted her to touch the tom lying beside her now.

"I'd certainly love to spend more time with you, Electra. I think we could have interesting discussions. You are clever and I appreciate that."

Electra brightened up, her smile deepening at the compliment and she blushed. Admetus was intriguing her and she could learn a lot by talking to him; it would also give her something to look forward to now that Etcetera probably had other things on her mind. And being alone would inevitably force her to confront her feelings for Quaxo, which she wasn't ready to consider. Glancing at the position of the sun, her eyes widened and she got up quickly, "Ah... I think I should go. Jenny'll be worried if I don't turn up soon."

"I'll see you around then, Electra. Take care."

She nodded and leaned over, kissing his cheek carefully before slinking out of the makeshift lodgings the young tom had chosen. He definitely lived a very bare bachelor's life and though he didn't seem bothered, Electra felt a bit sorry for him.

* * *

"Tugs?" 

The soft voice was filled with sleep and Tugger shivered at the warmth in it. Etcetera stretched languidly, sitting up and rubbing her eyes – like a kitten; which she was no longer was, at least not in that respect.

"Morning," she smiled. He nodded, untangling a few strands of his mane, not quite meeting her gaze.

Etcetera swallowed a sigh, she had been so sure he was reacting to her on more than a physical level – she had, after all, seen the moon glowing in his eyes which were a softer, more washed out shade of blue than hers, framed with a tinge of gold. He was meant for her, at least this far she had been right.

"Thanks for letting me stay over," she tried to keep the hurt out of her voice, the uncertainty. Last night was like a fading memory already, a vision of a love she had seen kindled only to find it vanished with the morning.

"No problem," He had the distinct feeling he was supposed to say something else, something meaningful, kind, gentle; or at least honest, "I enjoyed it."

Her head shot up, she blushed, but this time she had caught his eyes with hers and he couldn't look away. Etcetera smiled – there was a new emotion in Tugger's look and that was at least something.

"I did too."

"Your Mum will worry." What a way to break the mood, Tugger. It also made him realise that he might be in for a potentially lethal Jelly, once word got around of what he had done to her innocent little darling.

Etcetera shrugged, "She always worries. When I'm home she worries that I won't make a good gumbie, when I'm not home she thinks I'm off selling myself at Tottenham Court or busy getting stoned on catnip."

"That's drastic."

"It's the way she thinks; I'm all she has."

"A gumbie?" Tugger's mind was severely protesting his starting to talk to her again. But he shut it up ruthlessly. He was interested – Jellylorum was the last he'd have thought of as wanting her daughter to be a gumbie.

"Yeah, I think she'd have liked the job herself. But there was Gus and the theatre. She was learning about acting and all, then I came along and Gus fell ill; she had to take care of the two of us, there was no more time for a career of her own. She wants me to do better."

"So you like the gumbie profession?"

"No. I don't think I've got what it takes to teach critters. Jenny has authority, she wants to do it and most of all, she likes it. I don't. But I'll be packed off to train soon anyway. I quarrel with Mum about it, tell her I don't want to go and she says I have to. She'll end up with the last word, of course."

She shrugged again, looking almost dejected. Tugger went towards her, patting her shoulder softly, saying words he hadn't wanted to utter, "If you wanna talk, you know where I am."

"Thanks, Tugs."

The nickname registered in his brain, was labelled as 'cute and corny' and an appropriate sneer prepared to be levelled at Etcetera. It never made it past the planning stage. He just nodded and she smiled brightly, noting his acceptance of the endearment at least.

"Well then, bye, Tugs."

"See ya."

She was out of the door a moment later, taking deep breaths. Her body still tingled and she could feel his touch on her – and most importantly she had found exactly what she had been looking for. A slight frown appeared as she thought of what her mother would say. Perhaps it was better to keep last night a secret from her, until other things had been sorted out.

Deciding against going home directly, she made for the stream. She was sure she would find Electra there – the cemetery with its winding brook was their meeting place of sorts and she could count on her friend to wait for her there to have a talk about last night. Not many cats came out to the cemetery to relax, it was a longer walk, but through a nice, safe neighbourhood. As no one had ever forbidden the kittens to go, the young queens were not going to be held up either.

* * *

As she had foreseen, Electra was sitting beneath a tree, staring at the stream in front of her. She looked up when she heard footsteps, grinning at her friend. "I take it your 'experiment'went well?" 

"You bet! He is my tom. And I think he at least likes me more than a casual liaison."

"No professions of undying love?"

"Don't tease, El," Etcetera's voice was suddenly tight.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok. It's just... I think I did want him to say something more than he did. But," she brightened considerably, "he said I could come and talk to him when I felt like it. And he didn't throw me out – I stayed the night and he held me."

"I'm impressed."

Eyeing her friend critically, Etcetera surmised that Electra was still bothered by something, though not dejected to the same degree as the previous night, "You alright yourself, El?"

"Yeah. I took your advice, you know."

"Ah... and how may I understand that?"

"I washed someone's scent off my fur before you came, just as you're doing now. You know Jenny."

"She's not half as bad as Mum, she just worries and bustles. And I'm sure she won't scold you too much for trusting your feelings; Mum'll have a heart attack if she finds out about Tugger. I think I'd better not tell her yet. Will you tell me who you were with?"

"I'd rather not."

"Kay – but, was he worth it?"

Seeing a smile creep onto her friend's face, Etcetera laughed, "I take that as a yes. So, does that mean you've found your soul mate – or was it just my advice to enjoy yourself?"

"I enjoyed myself. Etcy, I really don't think I can believe in those stories. It's all so... unreal. But I did feel something last night; perhaps it was just a physical attraction."

"I think not, still, it's for you to decide whether or not you believe in the Jellicle Moon. Are you gonna see the tom again?"

"Yes, I'll see him. But I won't see him. Just...spend some time with him, talk, you know."

Etcetera's grin spread impossibly wide, "I knew it! So, did you see the moon in his eyes..."

"Etcy! I didn't look for the moon anywhere last night!"

The other queen giggled mischievously, "Too busy, I bet! But you think he might be the one?"

"Not really; I think I really want more from a relationship than good sex."

"Oh really, what else is there to want?"

Electra slapped her friend lightly on the arm. Of course Etcetera was joking, but she did have a point. What was she really looking for? All at once, a poem came to mind, one that she had read so often she had memorized it.

"It is na, Jean, thy bonnie face,

Nor shape that I admire,

Although thy beauty and thy grace

Might weel awake desire.

Something, in ilka part o' thee,

To praise, to love, I find;

But dear as is thy form to me,

Still dearer is thy mind.

Nae mair ungenerous wish I hae,

Nor stronger in my breast,

Than if I canna make thee sae,

At least to see thee blest.

Content am I, if Heaven shall give

But happiness to thee:  
And as wi' thee I'd wish to live,

For thee I'd bear to die." (1)

"I take it that it's some human poet's idea of love."

"Robert Burns."

Etcetera smiled knowingly, "Ah, the Scotsman; you're prejudiced of course, living with Skimble and Jenny."

"I want a tom to love me for my mind, my thoughts, for all I am..."

"El, we all want that. That doesn't exclude being with some other tom beforehand, even in a relationship. It's not as if our elders all had that 'true-love-at-first-sight' experience either. Just look at Bustopher! He's forever courting someone. Actually, I think having other toms before makes it only more interesting when you find the right one."

"And that from someone who is willing to wait for Tugger until the end of her life."

"Cause I know he's the one for me and I know even now that I don't want any other tom."

"But I don't just want to fool round either, Etcy. I want someone who is right for me."

Pouting, Etcetera burst out, "But if you don't go out with toms, you'll never find 'the one', El!"

"You're the one always telling me I'll know him when I see him," Electra quipped, attempting to seem unruffled. She didn't want to admit that she was dreading anything to do with love. Though living with a happy couple she had not known her parents and had always been conscious of not fully belonging. She was a part of Jenny's and Skimble'sfamily, Billy's and Carby's sister by rights, and yet she was not. Even Etcy had a mother who fussed over her – her very own mother. Not someone who had taken pity on a kitten; much as Jenny loved her – why had the queen who bore her left?

"It's true, of course. You'll see your tom and know it's him – but you can't really see him when you don't look around!"

"You're awfully sure of all you say, Etcy."

"And you're awfully determined to never listen, El."

They looked at each other, glaring, then breaking out in peals of laughter all of a sudden. There was no use in going over all these things now, they both knew that neither would be swayed from her opinion. Unanimously deciding to change the topic, they fell to talking about their surroundings – the stream, the meadow and the gravestones looming between the tall trees.

* * *

"Etcetera! Where in the name of the Everlasting Cat have you been last night?" 

Jellylorum's voice was laced with ice and her daughter tried hard not to cringe. '_You don't wanna know'_, she thought but said, as calmly as possible,

"El and I went off for a walk, lost track of time and were so tired we just ending up crashing at the cemetery."

Her mother probably wouldn't like the choice of words, but the story was fairly plausible, since it had happened before. And her friend would say the same to Jenny – both of them wanted an alibi of sorts.

"How often have I told you not to..."

Etcetera drowned out the words, keeping her eyes fixed on the elder queen's face, noting the changes in her expression, the softening of the frown as the lecture came to an end.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright, dear, come here," Jellylorum gathered her 'kitten' close, smiling, "You'll be coming along to the theatre today, won't you?"

"Ah...sure."

Why not get onto her mother's good side for once? It didn't hurt, Gus was sweet and the place full of stories, fun and things to explore. She would enjoy herself and think over the events of the past night in peace.

* * *

"Deary, there you are! I just sent Billy out to look for you!" 

"I'm sorry. Etcy and I got sidetracked. We were talking and just forgot to go home; we ended up sleeping at the cemetery again..."

Jenny beamed fondly at the young queen in front of her, nodding her head, "Of course, dear, I do understand what it's like to be young. But please try not to let it happen again, will you? We were so worried. Just let us know you plan to stay out longer."

"Yes, I will, I'm really sorry."

"Never mind now, dear, are you hungry?"

"Yes."

"Great! Now, will you just go and wake up Carby, I'll call Billy in and then we'll all have breakfast."

"Skimble's gone to the station already?"

"No, he's out on watch this morning. You'll get a chance to say goodbye before he's off though."

Electra smiled, ducking into the back of their small dwelling to shake awake the little form under the green blanket – his favourite, Carby couldn't sleep without it and would start bawling if he didn't have it. He was, after all, still very much of a kitten. He'd come as a surprise – Jenny and Skimble hadn't expected another litter.

They never seemed to have more than one kitten at a time, though they were happy enough with the two they had. Billy was Electra's age and she had grown up with him. For a long time she hadn't even known she wasn't his sister, but when Carby came along she had heard gossip and asked Jenny if she really was adopted. It had been hard for her, realising she didn't belong to her mum and dad as other kittens did; still, Jenny and Skimble had eased the pain as best they could and their unconditional love and support had soothed Electra. Neither Billy nor Carby would think of her as being anything but their sister. And Skimble adored his 'little lassie' as much as if she were his own daughter.

* * *

It was past noon and Electra had just finished cleaning Carby's ears – with the little tom protesting every lick; he'd been collected by Victor, who had promised to kittensit Cassie's litter and take on Carbucketty as well while he was at it. Billy was sitting with Electra, enjoying the sun when Etcetera ran up, breathless, "El! Need to... talk..." Etcetera trailed off, panting, her fur on end as she skidded to a halt in front of Billy and Electra. The young tom raised his brows with a good-natured grin, saluting her as he side-stepped his sister and, with a pat to her shoulder, bounced off happily. 

"Goodness Etcy, you look positively wild! What happened?"

"Not here. I don't want to..."

"Sure, come along, Jenny isn't home right now, we'll have the place to ourselves."

The two queens stepped into the small and cosy dwelling, huddling together in the corner farthest from the door where, in a low, trembling whisper, Etcetera told her friend just what had upset her so much.

"I was at the theatre with Mum, and all was lovely, as usual. Gus told me stories and I helped clean up a little. And then, suddenly, Mum starts talking and she tells Gus I'll be gone next week! Can you imagine?"

"You mean – gosh, Etcy – I had no idea! So soon?"

"Well, Mum hasn't talked to Skimble yet, she was going to tell Jenny today and next week – El, she's sending me off! And there's nothing I can do! And right good her timing was too! Telling me in front of Gus when she knew I wouldn't make a scene so as not to upset him."

"What'll you do now?"

"I don't know. I just ran off as soon as I could. Let her worry. I told her so many times I didn't want to leave, but she just won't listen! I don't want to be a gumbie! I hate gumbies!"

"Oh dear, that doesn't sound too promising!" The young queens looked up, startled, and Jenny reassured them with a soft smile, "I didn't mean to overhear you, dears, I just happened to come in after talking to your mother, Etcetera."

"I'm sorry, Jenny, it's not that I don't like you, it's just..."

"No need to apologize, dear, none at all. I can see you're upset and Jelly did say you weren't exactly happy about her choice, although I hadn't supposed you were so decidedly against it."

Etcetera shook her head, blushing. Now she was in a scrape. If Jenny told her Mum what she had said, she'd never hear the end of it, "I'm really sorry, Jenny. It's all so sudden!"

"Well, dear, I would love to help you, but Jelly won't be easily swayed and I'm not going to get involved in her family life. Just a tip for you – if you find an occupation for yourself that she finds suitable, I'm sure she'll be more lenient on you." With that, Jenny turned around, leaving the young ones to digest her words.

"Jenny's advice is grand, but I wouldn't know anything else. If it doesn't interest me, any profession is as bad as the other!"

"I wish I could help, and I really can't, Etcy."

"I know that. But thanks for listening. Do tell Jenny I'm sorry once more, kay? I'm going for a walk. Might clear my head."

With that, Etcetera practically raced out of the small dwelling, across the clearing and straight into the myriad of junk piles, losing herself thoroughly, if just for a moment. She knew the whole place by heart, it was impossible not to find her way back. But simply not registering where she was going would be nice for the time being.

* * *

Electra sighed, giving up looking for Jenny at last. The orange tabby was nowhere to be found and she didn't really relish looking for her. She could always give her Etcy's message before dinner. However, the young queen realised that she was also happy to have something to do. As soon as she had come home that morning, she had begun to turn over the events of the night before – and what she ended up with when the jumble of thoughts had been put into a semblance of order was by no means something she liked. 

Her rational mind told her that she had wanted to be with Admetus and enjoyed it, although the relationship wasn't something she was willing to take to a serious level. Perhaps a friendship, even one including sex now and then, once they knew each other better. They didn't expect anything of each other and there was no danger involved in being together. What was far more disconcerting was that she hadn't been able to come up with any satisfactory reason for thinking about Quaxo's eyes and his smile, the concern in his voice, its exact timbre. And it was no physical sensation she was remembering either, more a feeling, a concept that held a deeper meaning yet hidden from her.

And odd as it was, she knew that those thoughts wouldn't go away, even if she pursued her interest in Admetus, because Quaxo still was her friend and she appreciated his intellect, his way of thinking, his thoughtfulness, and his humour. And for all that she had never considered his looks overly much, she could have described him perfectly if anyone had asked, down to the exact colour of his dark, chocolate eyes.

And she couldn't even do that for Billy and Carby although she lived with them and saw them practically all the time. The warmth and joviality in her friendship with them was something she could imagine sharing with Admetus. However, with Quaxo, something sweet and longing had mixed into her feelings, and she couldn't for the life of her remember when her perception of him had changed.

To be continued...

(1) The Wordsworth Poetry Library – The Works of Robert Burns, Wordsworth Editions Ltd., 1994, p 491


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Beneath the Jellicle Moon – Chapter 2

Author: Triskell

Rating: Mild R (language, allusions to sex)

Author's Note: thanks for the reviews, Chimalmaht, DemiGold, and Roman de la Croix. I'm thrilled you enjoyed the story so far! This is turning out much longer than I thought, which is a bit daunting. I hadn't realised I had quite so many notes ;D.

* * *

BENEATH THE JELLICLE MOON – CHAPTER 2

© Triskell, Sept/Dec 2001, March/April 2002, Sept/Oct 2004

* * *

"Mornin' Misto!"

The black tom turned around, grinning and waving as first Mungojerrie, then Rumpleteazer tumbled off a nearby couch. As was to be expected, only the latter managed the descent with a graceful flourish, her companion was hard pressed not to fall on his nose.

Again, that was easy to explain as Mungo's eyes were fixed on the young queen's backside and absolutely not engaged in plotting a safe course for his paws. But then, few cats actually looked twice at the notorious duo, which, in Quaxo's opinion, was a shame.

If the tribe found Billy's and Vicky's courtship romantic and endearing, he was sure the elder queens' would start sobbing into tissues to see the calicos circling playfully around each other, hesitant and knowing at the same time.

"There y'are!" Rumple grabbed Quaxo for an enthusiastic hug and the black tom was just so glad Mungo didn't see him as a potential rival.

"Guess what!"

"We got news! And big ones, right, Jerrie?"

Quaxo contemplated asking to satisfy his own curiosity – his friends were, after all, not prone to get worked up and excited over little things and their gossip was always the juiciest, most interesting, and therefore best kept secret in the junkyard.

However, not asking meant the calicos would get fidgety and close to bursting with the need to tell their fascinating news. Quaxo enjoyed seeing this, so he kept quiet and let the two drag him unceremoniously off to the side of the clearing. Rumple, with a burglar's senses, made sure they wouldn't be overheard before they started a very jumbled narrative, each taking over and finishing the other's sentences.

"We were jest walkin' 'ome and then we 'eard voices and..."

"...we didn't wanna listen but we couldn't jest pass them 'cause..."

"...we 'ad a bag or two, ya know, so we..."

"...'id jest over there, ya see and guess who we see 'oldin' paws?"

Quaxo, his ears already pricked up and a look of intense concentration on his face, shook his head lightly, asking almost breathlessly, "Who?"

Mungo paused a moment for dramatic effect, but Rumple was already talking and so the two names tumbled out quickly, interspersed with her famous, high-pitched giggle, "Tugger and Etcy!"

"Wow! You're not going to tell on them, are you? Jelly'll have both their heads!"

"Nope. It's jest ye and me and Teaze. But I know ya're like Tugger's best friend and so..."

"...but there's somethin' else." The calico queen looked apprehensive all of a sudden and, after receiving a nod from Mungo, continued very slowly, her eyes never leaving Quaxo's face, "And later we saw El and Adme like talkin' and then she..."

Rumple wasn't given to blushing or feeling embarrassed, but she did both and Mungo continued for her, "...she kissed 'im. Right on the lips. And walked off 'olding 'is paw. I'm ... we're sorry, Misto."

"Ah, I don't..." Quaxo was feeling quite embarrassed himself now.

"We know ya like 'er, it's so obvious and we thought of not tellin' ya. Still, it's better ya 'ave someone tell ya before ya see 'em tagether, right?" Mungo looked hopeful.

Quaxo just stared at his friends in disbelief. He could stomach Tugger's seducing Etcy, though he hadn't thought the elder tom would be so oblivious to the fact he was sure to break her heart.

Most of the adults might not know, but the kittens were all clued in to the fact that Etcetera's admiration for Tugger was more than a passing fancy. But then, it really wasn't Quaxo's concern – if Tugger mentioned it to him he would caution and that would be the end of his involvement.

Yet – to think of Electra and Admetus? Admetus? It somehow sounded strange. That tom was only a few weeks younger than Munkustrap, about Tugger's age. If the latter could go off with Etcy, why did it make his skin crawl to think of Adme and El?

He had thought her to be a little beside herself the night before, but he hadn't imagined her being about to meet her _lover_! He suppressed a shudder at that word. He didn't like the idea in the least. Even though he had no say in the matter, of course. Being a friend of El's didn't give him any right to know who she was seeing.

And he wasn't really that close to her either, if he was honest. And not even because of the chronical shyness quite a few cats attested he had – they had great discussions about a thousand things, they knew each other quite well, but it ended with that. He could vouch for her being intelligent, sharp, pleasant, and lots of fun to be with. But he knew nothing about her heart.

And little as that should have disturbed him, it suddenly made him feel left-out. He hardly noticed the concerned faces of the calicos up until the moment when Rumple hugged him so tight he could feel his ribs cracking.

"Leave 'im some breath, Teaze! Geez, ya can't jest crush 'im. Won't make 'im feel better!"

"We shouldna 'ave told ya, Misto, I'm so sorry!"

"No, it's fine. It's just that it was a little unexpected. But I'm glad you told me. Really. It would have been worse if I had heard from someone else. And I'm not...that is, I don't...I'm not interested in El...that way."

"Right, kay, if ya say so; but if ya're, there's no point in bein' down or anythin', there are other queens 'round 'ere and pretty ones too!"

"Jerrie!" Not quite a squeal, but Rumple's indignation was more than clear. She needn't have hit her partner over the head, although that was part and parcel of the package when it came to their interaction.

"Well, there are! And maybe that's the way for 'im ta get over 'er and all..."

"Jerrie, ya're so damn stupid at times I jest don't know 'ow I put up with ya!"

"I'm na stupid!"

"Kay, then ya're an insensitive git!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Quaxo had, while the argument was going on, tuned them out, Mungo's mention of 'other queens' bringing a blush to his face. He hadn't told anyone and there hadn't been any gossip, not even the calicos had surmised anything – which meant he was safe. Of course, the lady in question was the soul of discretion.

Coricopat hadn't exactly been thrilled about the whole thing. He was still holding a grudge and the little 'accidents' while Quaxo practiced hadn't served to make the elder tom appreciate the young magician any more. However, Tantomile had been very clear as to exactly how far she wanted the relationship with Quaxo to go: to her bed and no further.

Hard to believe he'd been that easy to seduce. He would have blamed it on hormones, the Jellicle Moon, anything, but he couldn't lie to himself. She was attractive, available, and she wanted him; he was lonely and there were no strings attached. That was also precisely the reason why Coricopat had been livid in the first place: Tantomile, his darling twin, deserved much better. That she didn't want "better" yet seemed to have escaped his attention.

Quaxo sighed loudly, bringing the calicos' argument to a sudden standstill. Waving off the paw Mungo stretched out to touch his shoulder as well as another impending hug from Rumple, he managed to excuse himself with a lame, "I'd like to think this over for a while."

Sure, he had to admit that with his practicing and the clandestine affair with Tantomile, he hadn't spent much time with his former playfellows of late. Not that it mattered – he would probably have been oblivious to the fact that El liked Adme as it was. He couldn't remember her ever speaking about romance or love with him; that was what she went to Etcy for.

* * *

Tugger was sitting in his dwelling, combing his mane after it had gotten tangled in a bout of nasty weather, in other words: wind and rain. Munkustrap, his dearest brother, had decided it was time Tugger took his share of guard duty and wasn't that ever sweet of him! Adme liked playing watch-tom, Victor, George, and Alonzo weren't exactly unwilling either.

Tugger growled; sure, he never volunteered, but then this just wasn't his thing. He was a queens' tom, not a protector. Munkustrap's gentle reminder that he could be anything he wanted, including a proper Jellicle guardian, didn't make him feel any better. If he ended up like the tabby knight, Old D would have a heart attack prompted by joy; he really didn't want that.

A gentle tapping roused him from his thoughts and he called for his visitor to come in. His eyes widened when he saw it was Etcetera, drenched, and looking as miserable and bedraggled as he'd ever seen her. He tried to quell the instinct to rush towards her and comfort her; instead he settled for dignifiedly waving her closer and holding out a blanket to her.

She settled down beside him, sighing, "I came 'cause you said I could and I just can't bear to be home tonight."

"What happened?"

"Mum's decided; I'm leaving tomorrow for some god-forsaken place called 'Alton'. I don't even know where that is! Apart from nowhere, of course; it's not where Jenny trained either. El said that was Cambridge."

"Is Skimble taking you?"

"I wouldn't have minded that. But Mum's coming along to help me settle! As if I were a kitten or something – I mean if she plans to decide for me and map out my life she could at least have the decency to let me do it on my own!"

Tugger nodded, suddenly realising that Etcetera probably only wanted to vent steam, not really talk about it. She would've done that with Electra, her bosom of a friend.

"I thought of running away, you know. But El said that was just stupid and not very grown-up, so I didn't. Jenny said something interesting the other day though, you know, that if I found something I liked, a profession that fit me, then it wouldn't be so hard to tell Mum I won't be a gumbie. Only, there isn't anything at the moment; nothing at all!"

"You're very young, Etcy, and you haven't seen a lot of the world outside the junkyard. Perhaps being away will help you figure out what you really want." The scariest thing about this piece of advice was that he sounded like Munkustrap. No, scrap that, he had become Munkustrap the second he uttered the crap; worst of all was that he meant it.

Etcetera looked at him, cocking her head, "You know, you're right. Funny you say that, El did too."

"Hm."

"Say, Tugs, would it be ok if I stayed her tonight. I mean, slept over? I meant it when I said I don't wanna go home."

"What about your mother?"

"We quarrelled, I stormed out, she thinks I'm sulking somewhere with El."

Tugger sighed; right now, he was in a real predicament. He couldn't turn her away, but this was so much more than he had allowed any queen to do before; Etcetera couldn't be totally oblivious about what it was she was asking of him.

"Please, Tugs, I promise no one will see me when I leave, I gotta be off early anyway."

"Sure. I mean... stay, if you like."

Etcetera beamed and snuggled against his side and Tugger's traitorous body wrapped his arms around her before his mind could utter a protest.

* * *

The moon was covered by clouds, but Quaxo's eyes were sharp and his ears pricked up as he slinked towards Jenny's and Skimble's place. He needed to talk to Electra before he lost his nerve again.

Long hours of meditation (with Tantomile curled around him) had cleared his mind and given him that elusive solution as to why he was feeling ill thinking about Electra and Admetus being together. He was jealous. He wanted the young queen to himself; it was her eyes he thought of when the Jellicle Moon appeared, it always had been, he just hadn't allowed himself to think of it.

Quaxo hoped he wasn't intruding on dinner when he knocked, it was eight o'clock, so they should have finished. "Yeah, come on in, it's open!" Skimble's warm, accented voice called and Quaxo put his paw on the door, pulled it to the side, and entered. The dwelling, though small, was cosy and the whole family sat together: Jenny was doing needlework, Skimble and Billy were sitting beside a toy train, and Carby was huddled against Electra, who had a book open in her lap.

"Hi. I didn't mean to interrupt, I just..."

"Oh deary, you aren't interrupting at all! Come, sit down, would you like something?" Jenny was bustling about already, plumping up a cushion, putting it to Electra's left side, and pouring some milk for him.

"Actually, I just... El, I thought you might ... I was going to, that is, I'm out for a walk and thought you might, you know, want to come along."

Shy ramblings, check. Making a total fool of himself, check. Feeling like a total moron, check. Sometimes it was just so damn good to be predictable. Electra was staring at him, and Quaxo felt doubly stupid, "I see you're busy, so I'll just ... go and, thanks, Jenny and ah, good night everyone."

Skimble levelled a hard stare at Billy who had his paw in front of his mouth to hide his chuckles. Electra was blushing and seemed uncomfortable. Carby yawned and gave a sleepy mumble.

"Quaxo, dear, I think it's a lovely idea of yours. It's past Carby's bed-time already and he's asleep on his paws. Electra, love, it's quite alright if you go walking with Quaxo, just be home by midnight, will you?"

"Yes, Jenny, of course." The young queen closed the book, wrapping Carby up in a blanket and lifting him up gently, "I'll just put Carby to bed."

"Right, you do that. Quaxo can have a bowl of milk in the meantime," Jenny patted the cushion she had put out for him.

The black tom nodded, sure he had flushed a bright red already. 'Bad idea' his mind chided; he should have waited to catch Electra sometime during the day, when she was alone and would be the only one to witness his total degradation. 'Should have', but he'd been too nervous to postpone that talk, because he knew he wouldn't have the courage if he didn't do it right now.

* * *

Etcetera was tossing and turning and Tugger couldn't concentrate. She'd fallen asleep in his arms almost immediately, he had put her to bed, tucking the blanket carefully around her. He had tried hard not to think about family, love, and kittens. He wasn't that kind of tom, he wasn't Munkustrap, he wasn't Old D's star kit.

Tugger was like his mother, he was restless, reckless, and impossible. Or so his father had said the last time they'd talked a couple of months ago. It would've been a much better talk if Deuteronomy hadn't mentioned his liaison with Grizabella had been a mistake. Tugger might not have known his mother that well, he might not have liked her, but damn it, he was the result of that 'affair' and it hurt to be told, if not in so many words, he'd been an unwanted by-product.

Munkustrap had, after that disastrous talk, apologized to Tugger on their father's behalf, "Dad's impulsive, like you; he didn't mean to hurt you. He loves you dearly, you're just a bit exasperating and he wants you to be more responsible for business concerning the tribe and ..."

"He wants me to be like you; I'm not, he's gotta deal with that. I'm not you, dammit."

Munkustrap had remained silent, Tugger had sulked, they'd not spoken of it again. There had never been a rivalry between them, mainly because the tabby was so good and kind it made Tugger's skin crawl.

Deuteronomy's affair with Grizabella had hurt Munkustrap's mother, yet she had refused to hate the kitten that came of it. Her endless patience was something the tabby had inherited; Tugger loved him for it – a fact he'd never admit to – and he loathed feeling so guilty for not helping Munkustrap out. When it came to duty and responsibility, Tugger only looked to the tabby; his father didn't deserve his respect and his obedience as far as he was concerned.

Tugger cast a glance at Etcetera, sighing. He understood her problems with her mother so well; but, to his horror, he also understood Jelly. He'd been very young when Etcy's father vanished, leaving Jelly alone, pregnant, and with an ailing theatre cat to care for.

But he hadn't been too young to see what this had done to Jelly, how she stopped laughing loudly, how she suddenly kept to the sidelines, as if she were ashamed. He supposed there were reasons that might make him understand his father's behaviour as he understood Jelly's. However, Tugger wasn't prepared to think about them; not yet.

* * *

"Why did you stop by tonight, Quaxo? You don't usually pick me up for walk in the evening."

_I wanted to talk to you and tell you I love you. Or think I love you; might love you, to be exact and I wanted to ask you to dump Adme and give me a chance._

"I just thought you might like some fresh air." Coward, his mind chided.

"That's nice of you."

Quaxo's heart beat too fast and he hated that, he also despised himself for being so indecisive. Finally, he stopped, pressed his paws into the ground, thrust his chin out defiantly and looked at Electra, steadily. She seemed surprised, although she remained silent, waiting.

"I like you. A lot and I think it could be more and it's your eyes I see at night, when I look at the moon; I've got a lover, that is an arrangement with Tan... someone and ... It doesn't mean anything, I just ... never mind that, I think you should know that I think you're the one for me and that I'd be happy if you could give me a chance to prove that I can be the right tom for you."

Quaxo took a deep breath, forcing his gaze to remain on Electra instead of fixing on the ground. He was terrified, and very proud too, of having been able to actually say things out loud.

"I think I should go home, it's getting late." Electra's voice wasn't quite steady. Quaxo cursed himself and his traitorous feelings, his stupidity. He was glad he hadn't really considered the possibility of rejection quite so closely before, if he had, he wouldn't have said a word. It might have saved him the dull ache in his chest, but in the end, honesty was always best. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

"Sure, I'll ... take you."

* * *

Tugger still couldn't sleep, although the church bell had just struck midnight. He was watching Etcetera in the dim light, and he knew she was who he needed. The one queen for him; it was humbling and dreadfully inconvenient too.

Sure, she didn't really love him, she was too young and all that shit he kept telling himself; but really, that wasn't the worst. If he settled for her, with her (which wasn't bloody likely, of course), then he'd be Munkustrap's shadow and his father would be so pleased.

A little voice nagged at him to stop cursing, accept that his happiness was no one's concern but his own, and go to sleep. The voice sounded like Munkustrap; the same tom who, when prompted, could be downright mischievous. The one who had, with a smirk, told him that it was quite obvious Tugger was playing Benedick in his own little version of the play 'My Life at the Junkyard'.

Bombalurina, unfortunately present for that misguided attempt at humour, had laughed her head off and said she was sure Tugger's Beatrice would have a lot of work on her hands. Quite frankly, it wasn't so much Munkustrap's use of literature that had bothered him; it was the truth of the statement that struck him.

And perhaps, a little, the fact that he knew which play the tabby referred to, because he'd read it – not that Tugger would admit to anything as mundane as reading his brother's birthday present and taking delight in it.

"Tugs?" Etcetera's voice was sleepy as she turned around, blinking, "It's late, isn't it? Why're you not sleeping?"

"I was about to turn in."

"Oh. Kay, come here then." She held out her arms and Tugger accepted the offer to curl up with her. The course of his fate had been set; Etcetera would be out of his life for good come morning, and his heart could break then. He was about to reach rock-bottom soon enough, at least he could make-believe he was happy for a little while.

* * *

Electra felt awful. Quaxo had been so dejected when he'd left her at home. However, there was nothing she could have said – apart from 'yes, I like you too, let's give it a try', of course. Everything was so horribly confusing all of a sudden. She remembered the night she had first seen the Jellicle Moon, her reaction to Quaxo's proximity, her feelings.

She'd made a conscious decision that night not to dwell on things she felt were too early to be addressed. Which was why she'd ended up in Adme's bed; she wanted to go to him again, to let him touch her and make her feel like a queen. She hated feeling like a kitten, so insecure and unsure about everything important.

Quaxo liked her and she'd hurt him by her curt refusal to even consider the possibility. She'd just acted as if he hadn't said a word to her, as if his confession just hadn't happened.

Electra sighed, shaking her head. She was going to go to bed now. And tomorrow, she'd see Etcy off, promise to write to her and be there for her. After that, she was going to talk to Jenny and Skimble. It was time she found out what she wanted herself and she knew the answer wasn't waiting for her at the junkyard.

* * *

"Tugs, wake up; hey, morning."

"Hm." Tugger tightened his arms around his lover, pulling her closer, nuzzling her neck. She giggled, pressing against him, stroking his head.

"Tugs," a kiss on his forehead, "It's five-thirty, I gotta go."

"Why?"

"I'm leaving in an hour – I gotta get home or Mum'll have my head; and El's too, while she's at it."

"Ah," Awareness began to return, the fact it was Etcetera in his arms, that he wasn't supposed to think of her as his lover, that she was leaving for Alton today. As in this morning, or, in other words, now, "Darn, yeah, I..." She kissed him, still a bit clumsily, Tugger didn't care. They were a little breathless when they pulled apart and Etcetera smiled.

"I'll write to you, Tugs. I'll send the letters to El. I'd ... it'd be lovely if you wrote back when you have time."

"Hm." Good, at least he hadn't promised anything as stupid as being a regular correspondent. He also wasn't going to say anything as corny as that he would be missing her. Etcetera hugged him and he breathed in her scent.

"Take care, love." The endearment slipped out, Etcetera drew back, eyes sparkling. She kissed his nose, his lips, got up and ruffled his head-fur.

"I'll write, Tugs, promise. I'll be back soon." And with one more wave she had slipped out of Tugger's dwelling, looking happy, dishevelled, and dreadfully grown-up.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Etcy, I can't do that."

"Why ever not? He won't bite, El. And I want to write him, you know I love him and ..."

"It's not that, it's ... Etcy, I plan to travel a bit myself. I won't be here long. I'll ask Rumple, though; I planned to have her forward my own mail – from Adme, if he writes, you know..." Electra blushed. She'd just split on herself; Etcetera stared at her.

"Adme? Wow, you're one lucky thing! Don't worry, I won't tell. And, if you trust Rumple with this, then I guess I can trust her with Tugs. I gotta go now, Mum'll start looking for me any moment."

"Yeah. I'll be there for the official farewell, just," she hugged Etcetera, "Take care, let me know how you're doing. Remember it's not forever, you'll be back home sooner than you think."

"I guess. You be careful too, El. And don't do anything I wouldn't," she winked, "Best friends?" Etcetera held out her paw, Electra took it. They solemnly looked at each other, Electra smiled, "Always."

* * *

"Skimble, Jenny, might I talk to you for a moment?"

"But of course, dear!"

The orange tabbies bustled to her side, settling down beside her comfortably, the railway cat putting his arm around her shoulders as he always did when they spoke. Electra snuggled closer against his side and he smiled, "Ah, lassie, what's bothering ye?"

"I know you don't have much time, Skimble, but I wanted to settle this before you left with Etcy and Jelly. It's .. I've thought something I might like to do."

"A profession?" Jenny asked, adding with a warm smile, "or is it to do with a tom?"

"Jen, ain't ye bein' a bit too forward there?"

"Ah no dear, I'm sure El won't mind me asking."

"I don't mind, Jenny, no, but it's not a tom. I'd like to go off for a while." It wasn't a lie exactly, although it wasn't quite the truth. It was about Quaxo, and perhaps even a bit about Adme; mostly though, it was about Electra herself.

The orange tabbies exchanged worried glances behind the young queen's back, opting for a cheerful, encouraging smile directed at her all the same, "And where do ye wanna go off to?"

"I...actually, I was hoping you'd know someone who'd take me along on their train, Skimble. I'd like to travel a bit, collect a few stories."

"Ah, I knew it. Your calling, isn't it, dear?" Electra smiled softly at Jenny and nodded, "It might be. I'm not that interested in tribe lore, but I love Gus' and Skimble's stories. I like reading and writing too, so maybe that's something I could make use of in a job."

"Well, ain't we pleased to hear that! Our little lassie all grown-up!"

"So a 'scribe' or 'record keeper' then, that's fantastic! I'm sure that's just the kind of profession for you," Jenny announced, hugging Electra tightly. Since both tabbies were beaming with pride, Electra was sure she wouldn't face a predicament similar to Etcy's.

"I believe I could benefit from knowing more about the world. And there's only so much I can learn here. Gus used to travel in his youth – I don't want to stay away too long, just a month or two to..."

"...broaden your horizon, dear?" Jenny's face had fallen at the mention of 'month' and Skimble looked slightly worried as well. Electra supposed it was the natural reaction of parents when their eldest was getting ready to leave home. She smiled, "Yes. I want find out if some of the stories I've heard are really true."

Skimble pasted a broad grin on his face, "Aye, if ye want to go on a journey, we'll just have to find a train for ye. Me friend James will be in town next week, I'll ask him then – he's doin' the Wales tracks and perhaps he knows someone who goes to Ireland. And then we can meet up in Scotland, lassie, and I'll show you Edinburgh, Inverness, and Glasgow."

Electra smiled, "That would be marvellous. Do you think I could set off next week?"

"Ah, don't see why not, lassie, if James can take ye, there's no problem."

"Wonderful, thanks so much Skimble," she gave him a hug, "And you too, Jenny. I'll just wake up Billy, he wanted to say good-bye to Etcy before she left."

Electra was gone moments later. Jenny sighed, "Ireland is very far, Skimble dear."

"She wants to go off – ye can be sure I'll find someone responsible to take her. I know James is a good tom, I trust his judgement."

"I don't particularly like it."

Skimble shook his head, patting his mate's shoulder softly, "She's a grown queen now, love, it's time she spread her wings."

* * *

Etcetera had left the junkyard; Electra had seen Tugger lounging on a junk pile near the exit, almost hidden from view by a broken dishwasher. Jelly had been livid and been unable to hide it properly – probably because Etcy hadn't spent the night at home.

Skimble didn't seem exactly thrilled to be travelling with the two queens – he was funny and jovial and the angry 'cloud of doom' hanging about Etcy and her mother didn't bode well for a nice, relaxing journey.

Electra spent the rest of the morning holed up at home, consulting Skimble's collection of atlantes and maps, putting together an itinerary for herself. Jenny kept patting her paw and giving her bowls of milk until she had to leave for Gus' place. It was a bit annoying, that fussing, although Electra knew it was because Jenny loved her and didn't want her to leave by herself.

After Billy had left with Carby in tow, Electra was alone. She finished her preliminary planning – there were some destinations she wanted to discuss with Skimble – and went to see Tugger. He wasn't in, so she left a note and the map of England she had copied, with 'Alton' circled in red ink.

Her next stop was Mungo's and Rumple's corner of the 'yard. The duo seemed to be out, but then the calico tom jumped her and wrestled her to the ground, laughing at her discomfort.

"Get off of 'er, ya brute!" Rumple hit her partner a bit more forcibly than strictly necessary and he yelped, glaring at her.

"Jest makin' fun, Teaze, ya know that!"

"Idiot!"

"It's ok, Rumple, really, I'm fine."

"Right, then. To what do we owe the pleasure of yer visit?" Mungo helped Electra to her feet, bowing, quite the gentleman, as he kissed her paw.

"I wanted to talk to Rumple; if you have a moment, that is."

"Sure! Right, Jerrie, ya could go and do ... ah, something, ya know?" She winked at him and he grinned.

"Yes, m'am. On my way!" He gave a smart salute and bounded off. Rumple shook her head, smiling at his retreating back.

"Ya know, El, he's a horribly stupid git, but I wouldna trade 'im for the world."

Electra laughed, a little embarrassed. She looked around herself quickly, "Is there anywhere we can talk privately?"

"Yeah, sure. Over there," The two queens settled down in an alcove on a battered shelf, "Now, what did you wanna talk ta me about?"

"Two things, really. One concerns me, the other Etcy; I just need you to swear you're not going to tell a soul, not even Mungo!"

Rumple looked at her for a moment, then she nodded, suddenly serious. She placed her paw above her heart, "Promise, on me soul."

"Good. See, Etcy's gone and I want to do some travelling myself, so I can't ... collect her mail. She wants to write to someone and Jelly mustn't know. And since I won't be here I told her I'd ask you."

"Ah, she'll write to me and I 'and over the letter, right?"

"Yes. And send any letter that this someone might want to write to her."

"Sure, will do that, no problem. Who is it?"

"Tugger."

Rumple's eyes widened, then she laughed out loud, "Eh, I knew it'd end that way! This is great! A secret love affair; I'm all for ya!"

"Wonderful, I'll tell Tugger as soon as I see him. Now, the other thing I wanted to ask you – I'd like to write to Etcy, obviously, and to a few other cats as well. I'd appreciate it if you could take care of the letters. I don't want to bother Jenny and ..."

"Jenny doesna 'ave to know who ya write to, right?"

"Exactly," Electra smiled, "It's really wonderful of you to help."

"No problem, we queens must 'elp each other out. So, where are ya goin' off to?"

"Just travelling; I'll probably start with Wales, Skimble knows a railway cat doing those tracks; and then Ireland, perhaps, and definitely Scotland. Skimble'd never let me hear the end of it, if I didn't at least visit him once."

"No one coming with ya, then?"

"No, of course not. That's the point of going away."

Rumple looked at her, a glint in her eyes, "I think I know what ya mean, El."

* * *

Electra's decision to leave was an excellent source for gossip, although no one managed to get close to the real reason for her choice.

Quaxo thought it was because she couldn't stand to see him, of course, although Tugger, on having been informed of this, just laughed.

"Quax, really, Electra's not the kind of queen to get all riled up about this. It's not you; she's close to Etcy ... ah, Etcetera, you know, and she probably doesn't want to be left out. It'll do her good to get away; look at Jelly – she's unhappy here at the junkyard, she's never been able to do all the things she wanted and now she's bitter."

"But she never said anything before, she just decided _after_ I'd said I wanted to try a relationship!"

"Let me tell you something about queens, Quax. They often do things we toms don't understand. That's life; still, you shouldn't forget that, no matter what they do, queens have their reasons. We might never be able to understand these reasons, but if we did, half the fun would be gone from relationships!"

Quaxo held up his paws in surrender, "I bow to your superior knowledge, Tugger. I just think it's odd."

"You can write her, you know. Maybe she can more easily say some things on paper than when she's talking to you in person."

"Like that she hates me."

"Like that she _loves_ you, Quax. Queens' minds are complex and a 'no' can actually mean 'yes'. Look at Bomba and learn." Tugger smirked, ruffling his companion's head-fur. Quaxo loathed that gesture, although he never complained. Sometimes, their relationship reminded him of the one he had once had with Munkustrap, when they were kittens.

* * *

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Title: Beneath the Jellicle Moon – Chapter 3

Author: Triskell

Rating: Mild R (language, allusions to sex)

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews and encouragement.

The first ideas to add letters to the story came from a Harry Potter fanfic called "Wicked Game" by JayKay.

* * *

BENEATH THE JELLICLE MOON – CHAPTER 3

© Triskell, Sept/Dec 2001, March/April 2002, Sept/Oct 2004

* * *

"Isn't it lovely? You'll have such a good time here! And just think about what you'll learn!" Jelly was quite obviously awed by the place, looking as bouncy and carefree as Etcetera had ever seen her. Skimble was trudging along, eyes sparkling and alert, although he didn't offer his opinion.

Etcetera was grateful for that; she looked around herself, but she wasn't prepared to talk about anything; in fact, she didn't want to speak at all. Alton wasn't as bad as she had first supposed. There were some neat houses along the main street, well-kept, quite old, and the overall feel of the town was cosy. It wasn't as rural as Etcetera had feared, although she had seen much of the countryside from the train.

Skimble had admitted he knew little of this part of England, but he had remembered that Jane Austen had lived there – at Chawton, very close to Alton. Etcetera had no idea who the woman was, but since she had been a writer, she was sure Electra could fill her in. She'd write to her as soon as possible, though it would probably take a while to hear back. Skimble had mentioned Electra's decision to leave, Jelly had mumbled something under her breath, and Etcetera had remained very quiet.

They turned left off the main street, past the town museum and walked along a narrow street. The house they were looking for was quite old, built of red bricks, and looked warm and welcoming. "See, isn't it wonderful? I know you'll love it. I've known Mathilda for a while; she's a distant cousin of Deuteronomy's and stayed with us in London. We were to train together in Alton, but then..." Jelly broke off.

Etcetera looked up, eyes narrowed. She caught a glance of Skimble looking suddenly uncomfortable, before he said, a bit too quickly, "Then there was you, lassie, and Gus, and Mathilda went off alone." Jelly nodded.

It was quite obvious they were keeping something from her. Etcetera was curious, of course, and perhaps she could find out somehow. Since Electra wasn't home she couldn't have her ask Jenny or Skimble; however, there was always Tugger – she was sure he could talk to his father. There was no reason why Deuteronomy wouldn't know if Skimble did.

Jelly had stopped in front of the house, knocking briskly at one of the cellar windows. She jumped back when a series of short, hoarse barks started behind the door; but then the window was opened a little and someone said, "Come in!" and they all squeezed into the cellar.

A very round black cat was glowering at them, amber eyes narrowed and sparkling dangerously. She could have been a cousin of Bustopher's, with her white stockings and the little white crescent on her forehead.

"Mathilda, delightful to see you again!" Skimble ambled forward, grasping her paw and kissing it, smiling brightly. Etcetera couldn't shake the feeling that he was a little nervous. Her mother managed a strangled version of a laugh, holding out her paw as well, "It's been too long, Mathilda!"

The black queen didn't deign to answer, instead focusing on Etcetera, "You're one unkempt little devil, I see. Well, we'll change that," she turned slightly to glare at Jelly, "You can be sure your daughter's in the very best hands. I will see to it that she realises her full potential. Our training is hard, but excellent – the best school for life."

"That's ... thank you, Mathilda. I'm glad I'm leaving Etcetera with someone who knows how to deal with her. She's a little wild at times, but she's a good kit and I'm sure you'll find her an apt pupil."

All of Etcetera's instincts were screaming at her to run away now. She didn't like the almost servile way her mother talked to the other cat and the cool politeness was discouraging. It didn't look as if Mathilda liked Jelly and that didn't bode well for Etcetera. She wasn't even going to start on the ominous words and the cold, haughty tone. There was no turning back now – she had to stay and get through this, no matter how little she wanted to.

* * *

"Teaze! Get yer lazy butt out 'ere, there's mail for ya!"

Mungo glanced up just in time to duck the swat his partner-in-crime aimed at him. She looked offended, though he had no idea why – perhaps he shouldn't have shouted.

"I swear, if ya don't learn ta treat me like a lady soon, I'm leavin' ya!"

"Leavin'? And where would ya go? It's not as if anyone wanted ta 'ave ya stay over, ya're too damn quick with yer paws... ouch! Stop that! Ouch!"

Quaxo suppressed a smirk as he watched Mungo running away, a fuming Rumple trailing behind him, cursing his stupidity and lack of manners in a variety of words that would have made even Tugger blush.

He knew better than to intervene, but perhaps he could drop a hint for Mungo to go talk to Munkustrap about how to treat a queen. Or Tugger – Tugger knew how to charm the ladies; Quaxo didn't think his own advice would do any good. He briefly wondered if he should write to Electra – Rumple had told him she'd forward his notes, but he wasn't sure what to say.

He'd been rebuffed, yes, although he thought that Electra owed him some sort of answer. A real "I don't like you like that" would help, just so he knew exactly where he stood. Perhaps it would be possible to salvage their friendship, but for that he had to know where and how he had offended the young queen. No matter what Tugger said – Quaxo was certain he had done something wrong, once he knew what it had been, he could start making amends.

He looked at his friends, noticing Mungo's blush as he sat there, catching his breath, Rumple's paw smoothing his head fur automatically as she looked through the letters spread before her. She couldn't know exactly how intimate that gesture was and how much Mungo seemed to like it; if she had an inkling, she would have stopped in an instant.

"Nothing from El yet, sorry Quaxo. But Etcy wrote ta me and ta Tugger as well, so at least we know she's fine. There's a letter for El as well... no idea 'ow we're going ta get it ta 'er though."

"Skimble said she'll be in Wales next week, got the address of his friend James' place there."

"Did you tell Skimble that Rumple is playing postman?" Quaxo was a little surprised.

"Nah, I jest asked where El was 'cause Rumple wanted to write and 'e told me. Knew damn well there's more, but didn't ask."

"I'm sure Skimble and Jenny know much more about El's little affairs than they let on. They're so damn protective."

Quaxo nodded; still, the orange tabbies left their little darling a lot of freedom. They never interfered with her life or her decisions as Jelly did with Etcetera. He shook his head softly, ears perking up at the sound of the church bell. It struck five and he jumped up quickly, "Sorry, guys, I almost forgot – I've got a training session with the twins, gotta rush."

"Right, Quax, 'ave fun then – and if ya 'ave to change Cori's fur, make it pink, 'kay?"

Quaxo nodded, hoping he wasn't blushing. The only training he was likely to get was in how to please Tantomile – she thought he needed directions in oral sex. Coricopat wasn't home, he had a meeting with Deuteronomy and Munkustrap at the vicarage and would probably stay over for the night.

* * *

_Dear Tugs,_

_Got to Alton in one piece. Skimble tried so hard_

_to make it okay, but Mum was horribly smug and_

_perky. She kept chattering all the time and telling_

_me just how nice it was and all._

_I'm at a nice house in the middle of town. My_

_teacher's called Mathilda, she's your dad's cousin_

_or something – do you know her? Mum said she'd_

_lived at the junkyard for a while. Maybe you could_

_ask your dad? I'd like to know more about her._

_There's an ugly mutt in the house too, her name's_

_Betsy. Stupid name for a pollicle, but she's not_

_so bad, really, just a little short-sighted and bad-_

_tempered when it rains._

_Has anyone heard from El? How's Quaxo doing?_

_Rumple promised to write but I haven't heard from_

_her yet. Tell me how things are going, please. And_

_let me know what your dad says about Mathilda!_

_Love,_

_Etcy_

Tugger sighed, rubbing his paw across his eyes. He had offered Etcetera to listen to her if she needed someone, but he hadn't counted on having to actually do it. He should have known – now he had to write back. He was sure the young queen wasn't going to talk to her mother when things weren't going well and he had the distinct feeling they weren't.

It would have made more sense for Jelly to tell Etcetera all about this Mathilda. She hadn't, though, and Skimble didn't seem to have said anything either, so it was quite right to suppose that an inquisitive mind like Etcetera's would be intrigued. Tugger dimly remembered the name himself; he'd been very young at the time, of course. He really didn't want to talk to his father and ask about a relative of his. In fact, he loathed the very thought, yet he didn't want to disappoint Etcetera.

* * *

The rhythm of the train speeding along the tracks was soothing, but the steady glow of the moon made Electra restless. She couldn't sleep, staring up at the pale orb, remembering the junkyard. Thinking of Quaxo, too, the hurt in his eyes when she had curtly brushed him off. She'd been away only two weeks, although it already seemed like forever.

Skimble's friend James was very kind and kept a close watch on her at all times, especially when they were changing trains. He talked a lot, mostly about his family, his mate and their son – Rogue – who was Electra's age. They would be visiting James' hometown soon; it was the first stop along the route and the first place to pick up letters. Hopefully Etcy had written with good news about her temporary new home.

Electra couldn't wait to hear from Rumple, to find out what had been going on at the junkyard. She wanted to know how Quaxo was doing, was hoping for a note from Adme, perhaps, although that seemed fairly unlikely. The elder tom wouldn't be writing letters to her, he was too busy for that.

"You're not sleeping, luv," James poked his head into the luggage compartment, blue eyes effortlessly making out Electra's shape, "We've got a darn long day ahead of us tomorrow. Just close your eyes, breathe deeply, and count the sheep hopping across the rails. I want you to sleep when I check on you next time!"

Electra smiled despite herself. Skimble, for all his fussing, had never been so annoyingly obvious in his attention. Yet it was nice to have someone care so much and although it might be a bit much, it was homely and safe. Electra curled herself into a tight ball, letting the rhythmic movements of the train sway her body until she finally fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

A brisk knock roused Tugger from his afternoon nap; it was cold and windy outside, another rain-washed day he had resolved to spend at home. He hadn't expected visitors – Bomba had gone off on a short trip with Demeter and she'd been very secretive about it. Tugger shrugged, calling, "Come in!"

The door opened and Munkustrap slipped inside, bringing a cold draught and a flurry of raindrops along with him. The tabby was soaked, yet he smiled pleasantly, "Tugger. I thought I'd stop by right after seeing father with the information you wanted."

"He came right out with it, did he?"

Munkustrap laughed, "It really wasn't such a big deal asking about Mathilda. I would like to know why you wanted to know about her though."

Tugger shrugged, "I just remembered the name the other day and thought that she'd been round when I was younger. You know."

"It's funny you should remember her just now," dark eyes twinkled as the tabby grinned at him mischievously, "Etcetera's training with Mathilda at Alton."

"I might have heard the name mentioned in connection with her then."

"Most cats don't know where Etcetera's training, Tugger," he held up his paws, "I won't ask anymore. It's none of my business. I'm still curious though. Anyway, you were right. Mathilda is a month or two older than Jelly and she spent some time at the junkyard. She was great friends with Jelly and they planned to be gumbies, both of them."

"But then Gus fell ill and Jelly couldn't leave."

"Not quite; this is actually where it gets interesting. Father wanted to gloss over it, of course, yet I managed to wheedle it out of him. I think you'll find this particularly interesting. The reason Mathilda left on her own was because she'd had a row with Jelly."

"What about?"

"Etcetera's father; if I understood correctly, he was a roguish type, darkly handsome and a great flirt. He seduced Jelly and kept seeing Mathilda on the side. When Jelly got pregnant, he considered it time to move on – father said he left in the middle of the night and gave no one any clue as to where he was off to. Mathilda and Jelly were both heart-broken, although Mathilda seems to have blamed Jelly for his leaving."

"Why the hell would Jelly place Etcy with her then?"

"I'm not entirely sure, Tugger. I tentatively asked father and he said that it was quite recently that the former head of Alton's gumbies retired. Mathilda's taken over her post – it was probably arranged beforehand to train Etcetera there."

Tugger growled, "That's the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time! Mathilda'll take it all out on Etcy!"

"She might, although I think she will have mellowed with the years."

"It was you who told me and I quote: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Do you really think she'll forgive and forget? Did Demeter ever forgive Macavity for the bad ending of their relationship?"

Munkustrap's eyes narrowed and Tugger feared for a moment he had gone too far in dragging the old discussion about Demeter and Macavity into the open. Ex-tomfriends were always a sensitive issue and Demeter's past had been quite... turbulent, if one could believe half of what Bomba had told him.

The tabby took a deep breath, "I don't like to say this, Tugger, but you're probably right. Still, I think that it will be good for Etcetera to face this."

"She's a kit! That harpy'll break her!"

"Tugger! I seriously doubt Mathilda is a 'harpy', nor do I think of Etcetera as a kitten. She's a young queen and anything that doesn't kill her makes her stronger. You might not like to hear it, but this is the only way for her to break away from Jelly's hold."

Tugger growled again, cursing under his breath. Munkustrap continued calmly, "Warn her about Mathilda's resentment by all means. However, don't try to decide for her; support her instead. Stand behind her when she makes a decision. She'll appreciate it."

Before Tugger managed to say something, the tabby winked at him, turning to go, "She'll be back soon, there aren't many Jellicle moons you'll have to spend alone."

The door closed gently behind Munkustrap, yet Tugger still gaped at the spot where his brother had stood. He should have known the tabby would have heard, somehow, about Etcetera's coming to him, being with him.

* * *

"Etcetera! I doubt this will induce the mice to do anything but laugh at you. Your embroidery just won't do. You can't teach something you haven't mastered yourself. I want you to redo this, the whole picture. You're dismissed from class for the day, there's no point in you learning the finer points of embroidery when the basic technique is beyond you."

Mathilda's voice was scathing and low, a warning and a threat. The two other kittens she was teaching, Arabesque and Samuel, giggled behind raised paws. They were both from Alton and went home every day. Home, to their parents, their friends, the place they belonged to. Etcetera slept on a cushion in the back of the cellar, near the stove. It was warm, cosy, and comfortable and since she wasn't used to having a room of her own she didn't consider the lack of privacy disturbing either.

Still, Mathilda was making things difficult and it was true Etcetera was hopeless with needlework. Her classmates thought it was extremely funny, they teased her and laughed at her, and generally made her life miserable. Only three weeks and she hated the place. The cloth she was embroidering was crunched together in her paw, her claws digging into the linen and the threads.

Tugger's letter had come with the last post, a note really:

_Etcetera,_

_Your mum and Mathilda were interested in the same tom._

_He chose your mum, but kept flirting with Mathilda – they_

_quarrelled. He left both of them though. Mathilda's pre-_

_decessor was supposed to teach you, but she retired, now_

_you're stuck with the harpy. Don't let her win._

_Tugger_

It hadn't made her feel much better, yet at least she didn't feel as if her mother had just sold her to the devil anymore. And Mathilda surely was the devil as far as Etcetera was concerned. She was strict to the point of being harsh, although not unfair. She wouldn't tolerate any of her pupils making fun of the others, but that didn't mean she considered it necessary to watch her own words.

A tear trickled down Etcetera's cheek and she quickly brushed it away. There was no need to cry over something she couldn't control. The only thing she could do was to try harder.

* * *

The paper rustled as Tugger's claw opened the seal on the letter. Rumple had left it while he'd been out – closing a hole in the outer fence with Adme, as Munkustrap had caught a cold and Demeter had forbidden him to go out. Tugger hazarded the guess that she was sitting by his side at all times, or else had tied the tabby up – there was little chance he'd take to bed otherwise.

Etcetera's letter looked as if it had been written very quickly and Tugger frowned at the ink smudges – the young queen had either been crying, or the paper had been left in the rain.

_Dear Tugs,_

_Mathilda's sent me out of class for the third time_

_this week. I'm trying, my paws are sore cause I_

_prick myself with those damn needles. I hate_

_embroidery and I'm so bad, I work so hard, Tugs,_

_and it's not good enough. Mathilda said she'd_

_have to write to Mum and tell her I'm unsuitable,_

_and the other kits laughed._

_She told them to shut up, but do you know what_

_that feels like? She keeps telling me off in front of_

_the others and it's horrible. And she's so cool, she_

_hates me and I hate being here so much. I want to_

_come home, Tugs, I just want to GO!_

_I miss you and El and Rumple. I ... no one's there_

_to listen and I want a hug. I don't want to grow up,_

_it's dreadful. I hate it. I hate it. Help me, Tugs,_

_please, just do something. I can't do this. I'm such_

_a failure. Please help me._

Worse than he had expected – Tugger's first instinct was to rush to Alton and get Etcetera out of there (not without giving that Mathilda a piece of his mind); however, he remembered what Munkustrap had said and it had been sensible advice. Tugger was no knight in shining armour and for all that he wanted, he wouldn't be doing Etcetera a favour in protecting her from life.

It was a difficult time for her, surely, yet her difficulties could be overcome. Previous letters had shown that Mathilda was lacking as a teacher, but still fair and just in her own severe and, to Etcetera, at times overly cold way. And it was perfectly clear to Tugger that Etcetera would learn to embroider properly – after all, she'd managed to turn in her sewing project to Mathilda's grudging acceptance, too. It had been a week behind schedule and it had cost the young queen a few sleepless nights, but she had persevered. She could do it again. With this thought in mind, Tugger sat down, took his pen and wrote another note.

_Etcetera,_

_I know you're capable of this embroidery stuff._

_If the harpy tells you you're no good, then show_

_her she's wrong. You didn't let her win over the_

_sewing, don't give up now. I believe in you._

_Tugger  
PS: Let me know how Electra's doing. She hasn't_

_written to Rumple and Quaxo's frantic. He doesn't_

_admit it, but he's darn worried. So's Jenny I think._

_PPS: Sending a picture of the junkyard – the zebra_

_type thing in the background is Munkustrap._

* * *

Tugger's letter got a very long response and he had to admit he was quite happy with it. Munkustrap had been right after all.

_Dear Tugs,_

_Thanks for your letter. I still hate it here, but guess what?_

_I've made a friend. Betsy, the pollicle; I ran her over_

_last week when Mathilda threw me out – again – and_

_I was crying. So Betsy grabbed my tail, pulled me to_

_her basket and curled up round me. As well as a pollicle_

_can, they're not limber or anything._

_We talked then and she's nice. Bit like Jenny. She knows_

_an awful lot about herbs – she had another human and_

_she was a witch of sorts. She's got so many stories to_

_tell! She sits with me when I embroider and it's easier_

_now. I'm going to hand that damn cloth in, I swear._

_I love the picture. Who drew it? I recognised Munkus_

_as soon as I saw it. I showed it to Betsy and she was_

_impressed._

_Haven't heard from El, sorry. Enclosing the schedule_

_she sent me last time – I think she's en route – she's_

_due back with James' family next week – she might_

_send something then._

_Love,_

_Etcy_

* * *

"Quaxo, need a word with you," Tugger cast a glance at Tantomile, shrugging, "Now; it's important."

"Quaxo's in a lesson, Tugger."

"My dear Tantomile, I wouldn't dream of interrupting if it weren't incredibly important. Although I must admit I enjoy the opportunity to bask in your enticing presence."

She probably knew he was flirting out of habit, his eyes weren't fixed on her and the words sounded empty even to his own ears. Tantomile turned on her heels and was gone in a huff, calling over her shoulder, "Tonight, 7.30, my place. Don't be late."

Quaxo sighed and Tugger gave him a wary glance, "She's quite demanding. I wonder how Cori puts up with her."

"He's her brother and he knows what she's thinking," Quaxo gave his companion a slight smile, "I have absolutely no idea why he hasn't strangled her yet."

"There, that's the spirit, Quaxo. You had me worried there a moment."

"What did you want to tell me?"

"Etcy got a letter from Electra and summed it up for me: Electra's fine, she's gone off to some rural Welsh villages though, with James' son."

"Skimble's friend James, right?"

"Yes. He's got a son Electra's age. Etcy didn't mention his name, but I don't think he's competition."

"I'm not a jealous tom-friend, Tugger."

"No. You care for her though and you should know. Anyway, they've been off collecting stories from country cats about the old days and such – they'll be back at James' place sometime this week. Electra's going off to Yorkshire then, which is where James' brother's working."

"She's not coming back any time soon then, is she?"

"I don't think so."

"Do you think she's happy?"

"Etcy didn't seem worried about her."

"Good. Thanks, Tugger. I appreciate your telling me."

Tugger smiled, laying a paw on Quaxo's shoulder, "Etcy insisted. She's a grand sharer of information."

"How's she doing?"

"Much better now, she's made a new friend and is currently being taught the finer aspects of herb lore. There seems to be an owl in Chawton that Etcy's pollicle friend knows and that owl is a skilled healer."

"Interesting."

Tugger's smile deepened, "Etcy thinks so and as long as she's happy there. She's had a rough time in the beginning. Anyway, you want to have dinner with me before you go off to your next training session?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

Quaxo followed Tugger, his mind full of all manner of things. He realised that, although it was none of his business, that fellow's son travelling with Electra was bothering him. Perhaps he could ask Tugger to get some more information out of Etcetera: if he was intelligent, handsome, gay...

* * *

"Electra, come on, we have to be off."

"A minute, Rogue, I want to finish this first." She held up a few sheets, all filled with Etcy's scrawl – James had forwarded a bundle of letters the last time he'd been to see them, just before they set off for Swansea. Rogue had a cousin there and they were to stay with her for a few days. It was the last part of the Wales roundtrip and Electra was looking forward to it.

She had found out so much, heard so many different stories. Memories of the great war the humans had fought, pirate romances that made the legends of Griddlebone and Growltiger pale in comparison. There was so much she had had to ask, so many little details she had tried to write down so they wouldn't be lost. It was incredible how happy the old cats were to talk to her and share their stories.

Electra found that she enjoyed her get-away. She liked travelling, all the new places, new scents. Cobbled streets, dark and dirty corners, litter illuminated by a streetlamp on a foggy day, the sea breeze ruffling her fur.

Rogue had proven to be an excellent companion – she'd thought he was a braggart when they first met, but he'd shown himself to be rather shy on closer acquaintance and sensitive. He wanted to be an actor, although he told her he lacked the courage to step onto a stage in front of an audience. That was why she'd asked him to accompany her – she forced him to talk to the cats they met and, on occasion, he'd even had to recite a short piece. Sure, there were only small groups he performed for, but it was a start and he probably didn't even realise it.

"Electra, please. We'll miss the bus – you know how hard it is to sneak aboard and the next one's not for another hour and a half!"

"Right, coming," Electra put her letters into her travel pouch, where all her notes and her pens were crammed in. She promised herself to read her letters as soon as they were settled on the bus and to reply this time. She owed Etcy a letter and, if she were honest with herself, she had to apologize to Quaxo.

She'd had a lot of time to think and although she still hadn't resolved the confusion of her feelings, she was adamant about needing to let Quaxo know she hadn't meant to hurt him. Losing his friendship because of her own conflict was not an option, not anymore. She had heard too many stories of loss and regret in the past weeks to risk it happening to her. Perhaps it was already too late – but if she didn't write that letter now, she never would have the courage.

* * *

"You're late."

"It's 7.30, Tantomile."

"7.34, Quaxo; I don't like to be kept waiting."

Quaxo looked at the slender queen in front of him. She was strong and self-assured and she had always told him what to do. Tugger had mentioned she was 'determined' and that had made Quaxo think – Tantomile hadn't been this bossy when they had started their arrangement.

"Tantomile, may I ask you a question?"

She looked up at him, caught slightly off guard, "A question? Well, I don't see why not."

"Has something changed between us. I mean, please don't get me wrong, Tantomile – I admire and respect you and, well, I know I've still got much to learn as a lover, but you've been a bit different lately."

Somehow, Quaxo had the feeling he wouldn't be getting an answer. Perhaps, he'd be told off for assuming too much and yet Tantomile's aura shifted and he noticed something about her, a sliver of emotion that was gone too quickly to grasp.

"You've been slipping away from me, Quaxo. I don't like that."

"I never promised you anything, Tantomile."

She smiled, "No and neither did I. I have my reasons and I'm sure you have yours – still, you were mine and I wanted to keep it that way, want to keep it that way. You don't, though."

"I don't really know what I want; but I can't tell myself I need you anymore. I have to let go."

"You don't want to burden a new relationship with an old one."

"I'm not that transparent, am I?"

Tantomile's smile deepened briefly, although it didn't reach her eyes, "Not transparent, Quaxo, but I can pick up on feelings and yours were never for me. Of late, they've been crystallizing into something warm and deep, focused on a particular cat; I was hoping it wouldn't change things."

"I'm sorry, Tantomile, however inadequate it is."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It was nice while it lasted – perhaps I need to re-evaluate my own priorities. You distracted me from having to do that, for a while. I can't run forever. I will ask Coricopat to take over your training for a week or so. We will share duties again after that."

"Would you be alright with this?"

Tantomile's eyes narrowed dangerously, "I'm a grown queen and my feelings for you were never an issue. I keep sex and love strictly separate."

Quaxo nodded. Strangely enough, he didn't feel offended by Tantomile's tone – his senses told him there was much more behind her behaviour than he could divine. He decided to let it rest for the time being – Tugger kept telling him queens thought in strange ways and that it was sometimes impossible to understand them.

* * *

Munkustrap and Tugger were sitting on the old oven together, basking in the early morning sun. Someone had told the tabby who had taken over most of his duties during the time he'd been confined to his bed. Tugger suspected George or Victor, Admetus was trustworthy and quiet and unlikely to split on other people. The other two toms, however, were notorious chatterboxes.

At any rate, Munkustrap had been informed of Tugger's helping out with guard and patrol duties, and had decided to formally thank his brother. It had started with an embarrassing speech, which had ebbed into uncomfortable silence. Thankfully, Demeter had been present, laughed at them, told them they were being stupid, and invited Tugger for dinner.

Somehow, they had ended up talking about things they hadn't mentioned since their kittenhood. While it hadn't been mentioned specifically, there had been a shift in their perception of each other and Tugger had, without grumbling, accepted to share some of the other toms' duties. He preferred night guards, much like the tabby, so they seemed to be thrown together a lot.

They hardly blinked when a lean black shadow brushed past beneath them, not fast enough to escape their notice. They shared a lazy look and a smirk before Tugger called, "Morning, Quax!"

Tired, dark eyes lifted up and the young tom's lips quirked up in a slight smile as he nodded in acknowledgement. Tugger quirked up an eyebrow, "Looks like someone didn't sleep much last night, eh, Munk?"

The tabby chuckled softly, regarding Quaxo's blush with a twinkle in his eyes, "Misto doesn't like to talk about his conquests, Tug."

Tugger laughed out loud, reaching down to ruffle the young tom's already mussed head fur even further, which earned him an indignant slap on his paw and a soft hiss.

"Now, Misto, there's no reason to be cross on such a nice morning."

"Yeah, particularly if you've had charming company the night before." Tugger winked as the Quaxo growled low in his throat, turning on his heel and storming off, leaving his elder friends to fondly laugh at him and his unknown lover.

If only they knew – after his talk with Tantomile, Quaxo had been strolling around the 'yard, valiantly trying to evade Coricopat, who was probably out for his blood. He had finally returned to his dwelling, close to midnight, where he was being awaited – by Coricopat. Instead of a dreadful scene, choice words, and threat of bodily harm, the elder tom had told him, very calmly,

"I'm glad you talked to Tanto. It was time she stopped hiding behind you and I'm happy to hear there was no undue feeling to contend with from your side. It would have been awkward had you fallen in love with Tanto – it would've been more difficult for her. I will take over your training for a week or so until Tanto has sorted herself out."

Coricopat left, a silent shadow and Quaxo prayed he wouldn't have to contend with any more obnoxious creatures who were only intent on getting on his nerves. He was curious as to the twins' reaction, but he firmly resolved not to dwell on the behaviour of cats he didn't fully understand at the best of times.

On opening his door, Quaxo had found what had kept him awake and brooding into the wee hours of the morning – a letter from Electra. It was more than he had thought he was going to receive from her. Her writing was very neat and elegant and she had obviously taken some effort to find the right words – some sentences had been crossed out or shortened, re-written.

_Dear Quaxo,_

_I'm sorry. For quite a few things. First of_

_all for not writing to you sooner. Secondly,_

_for the way I reacted to what you had to_

_say to me. Thirdly, for just sending a_

_letter instead of talking to you in person._

_I'm currently on my way to Yorkshire._

_From there I'm going to Scotland, then_

_Ireland. I'll be home sometime in autumn._

_I'm enjoying myself and I've learnt a lot._

_I like travelling and meeting new cats,_

_hearing their stories._

_I've been horrible to you. I was surprised_

_and confused by what you said. I still am._

_I have many loose ends to tie up before I_

_come home. Perhaps we can meet then,_

_as friends. I can neither ask nor promise_

_more just now._

_You needn't reply, although I'd be happy_

_if you did._

_Very best wishes,_

_Electra_

It had taken Quaxo a while to wrap his mind around the implications of what had been said and what had been left unsaid. He had begun to hope that there was still something between them and that had made him nervous. He had re-read the letter several times and finally decided that he would answer the actual written words, not the unspoken feelings between the lines.

Sometime, close to sunrise, Quaxo had finished writing two notes of his and slipped out of his dwelling to deliver one of them to Rumple. The other remained on his pillow, waiting for a little charm to be wrapped with it before it was sent.

To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Beneath the Jellicle Moon – Chapter 4

Author: Triskell

Rating: Mild R (language, allusions to sex & mature themes)

Author's Note: again, the letter writing idea comes from a great Harry Potter slash fanfic called "Wicked Game" by JayKay.

I hope I've tied up all loose ends, there were quite a few little allusions about various cats that I'd made in the course of the story ;D.

This is unbetaed – if you find a mistake or if something in the storyline isn't clear, please let me know. I appreciate comments and criticism.

Chimalmaht, DemiGold, and Roman de la Croix: thanks for your continuous support – without you, I probably wouldn't have finished this.

* * *

BENEATH THE JELLICLE MOON – CHAPTER 4

© Triskell, Sept/Dec 2001, March/April 2002, Sept/Oct 2004

* * *

_Etcy,_

_Thanks for your letter. Glad to hear it's_

_getting better for you. The pictures I've_

_sent you are by me. Don't laugh, I really_

_paint and I like it._

_Told Munk the other day and he just_

_smiled, said he'd thought so. I swear,_

_tabby knight's making my skin crawl._

_We're patrolling together now and then,_

_Adme's out with a cold – got it from_

_Munk I bet._

_Rumple said she'd heard Jelly telling_

_Jenny she was worried about you. Said_

_you weren't writing. Mungo's written a_

_love poem and Rumple laughed her head_

_off. Then she kissed him in front of the tire_

_and Munk told them to 'get a room' cause_

_they weren't 'kitten-friendly'._

_Tanto's been really weird lately and Quaxo's_

_practically inventing new levels of quiet and_

_sad. Gus isn't doing well, think it's a cold too,_

_they're going round, autumn's coming._

_Best, Tugger_

Etcetera folded the letter, a smile on her face. The first time Tugger had called her "Etcy" in writing; it might not look like much, but to her it was very special. The tone was warmer, more intimate somehow – it made her feel cherished. Etcetera looked over at her almost finished embroidery. Once she'd handed this in, there was only the knitting class and then one month training mice and cockroaches – after that, she was free.

The church bell struck five-thirty and she quickly put away Tugger's letter, smoothing her head-fur. Betsy was taking her to see Ms Athena again, over in Chawton. It was a long walk, which was why they were setting off so early in the morning. Etcetera was tired, but she only had the weekend for her studies and time was short.

"Etcetera, are you ready?" Betsy stood on the stairs, head cocked, long ears flopping to the ground. Lights were low and the shadows made her seem more wrinkled than she was; canine teeth glinted dully at Etcetera, "We must be off, before anyone figures out we're actually going; if you're tired I'll carry you a bit."

"I'm fine, Betsy, thanks. Just a moment," the young queen grabbed her satchel (sewing lessons had finally come in useful for this) and padded up the stairs, "Let's go."

"No letters to finish, have you?"

"I got one yesterday; I'll send off the reply Monday."

Betsy grinned, "You're one good correspondent. I hope you'll keep that up when you're back home. Athena and I are counting on lots of gossip from you."

Somehow, Etcetera didn't feel as happy about that statement as she would've been a while back. Going back home was something she'd looked forward to, but now it also meant leaving two gentle friends and patient teachers behind who had opened her eyes to a world of knowledge she was glad to soak up.

* * *

_Dear Tugs,_

_Just got back from Ms Athena (Betsy's friend)._

_Chawton's quite far, really, for a weekend trip,_

_but I'm always glad to go. I've learnt so much,_

_it's amazing! And Ms Athena gave me lots of_

_books – she wants me to keep them too! Can you_

_believe it? She said she can't read them properly_

_anymore and I'm the only pupil she has, so I'll_

_need to have her books to carry on tradition._

_I just hugged her. Betsy later said it looked so_

_strange, having a cat hug an owl._

_I'll send a note to Mum today – I just never know_

_what to say. I mean, I should say: Mum, I'm a_

_hopeless case for a gumbie, but I'm currently_

_training in herb lore and I've decided to be a_

_healer._

_Can you imagine me saying that? Put it in a letter?_

_I'll have to wait till I see Mum; it's only fair I tell_

_her to her face. Mathilda's been scolding me again,_

_but I think I'm making progress._

_I didn't know you were an artist, Tugs. You're very_

_talented, though, and you'll have to show me all of_

_your work when I get back!_

_Love and hugs,_

_Etcy_

His little lover was coming back soon – that thought was at once wonderful and scary. Tugger was slowly beginning to realise just how far he'd let himself go. It was one thing to care for Etcetera in silence, it was another to show her parts of himself by writing, letting her know about his projects.

By opening up to her he was effectively setting her up for disappointment – she loved him and he had to take her seriously. He wasn't stupid enough to think that only because she was young she wasn't able to have deep feelings. Still, he would only end up getting in her way in the end and he had encouraged her far too much already. Telling her he painted and drew – talking to her about life at the 'yard as if he were a chatty tom-friend; it just wouldn't do.

The time was ripe for re-considering his stand; he had to make sure his priorities were clear and his mind set on a course before she returned. Tugger stretched out his paw, running it lovingly across his sketchpad, propped up against the wall beside the window. A soft, young face looked back at him, radiating innocence and life even through the fine ink strokes and darker shading of smudged pencil.

It was one of his best portraits. Although Etcetera had never sat for it, he had caught every line, every dimple. It had never occurred to him before just how much he must have watched her. With a sigh, he let his paw drop from the picture, shaking his head.

He could regret losing her later – he had a lifetime for it – right now he had to teach himself not to be affected by her, not to back down when he told her it was over. There was no other way. "I love you and I'll let you go," he whispered, eyes fixed on the portrait.

* * *

"Misto!" Rumple skidded to a halt beside him, Mungo ran right into him, thudding into his back, making him topple to the ground. Long experience had taught Quaxo to count to ten, accept the paw the calico tom held out to him with a sheepish smile, let himself be pulled to his paws; he dusted some of the dirt off his fur. 

"Sorry, mate, I ..."

"You didn't look. And you didn't think and mpfh..."

The main advantage of a relationship with Rumple seemed to be that Mungo was now allowed to shut her up with a kiss. Quaxo did happen to notice the wink the young queen levelled at him before she closed her eyes, happily slumping against her lover, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Poor Mungo obviously had no idea that, no matter what he did, Rumple was always one step ahead; he just couldn't win. Tugger had been right – queens were enigmas a tom should never underestimate. Quaxo smiled, clearing his throat a bit exaggeratedly to ensure his friends returned to him: Mungo's eyes were glazed, Rumple looked flustered.

"I forgive you, Mungo. Did you find something?"

"Yeah," Rumple took a quick breath, arms still tangled in Mungo's head fur, "We went ta the lost property office in Victoria."

Mungo continued, a sly grin stealing onto his face, "There was nothin' there, so we had a peek at the props room at the Opera 'ouse in Covent Garden. Lots of junk there, but..."

Rumple brandished a small locket, "We found this – small and dainty and they won't miss it. Not silver though, just some metal – is it ok? We can 'ave a look in Nottin' 'ill, at the market."

"No, this is perfect. It's just what I was looking for."

"So who's it for, mate?"

"Secret."

"Spoilsport."

"Ya're one ta talk, Jer. Ya're jest as romantic as a fleabag, but do ya care – no. Ya never get me presents..."

There were moments Quaxo was really glad Rumple had Mungo twisted round her paw; it was sparing him from having to confess who he was getting presents for while Mungo was trying to counter the accusation and the sad little pout his lover was sporting.

"Ah, I'll see you later, you too," Quaxo hurried off just as the sound of kissing started again. It seemed that Mungo's creativity only extended to heists and burglary, not to ways of dealing with his temperamental lover.

* * *

Quaxo put the finishing touches on Electra's present later that evening, wrapping it up with the note he had written and gingerly placing it on the table. He'd bring it round to Rumple's in the morning, there was no way he was going anywhere near his friends' dwelling at night these days. 

The locket, once cleaned with water and a little magic, had a lovely copper sheen that complimented the chestnut coloured satin ribbon Quaxo had hung it on. The contents of the locket had taken longest to finish, as it was by no means easy to find the correct spell for magically freezing a flower. Quaxo had managed it at last, the delicate myosotis (1) gleaming in a soft blue, captured in full bloom.

It now lay inside the locket, an unspoken message to Electra. The note said: 'Your friendship is precious to me, Electra. I look forward to seeing you. Yours, Quaxo.' And the myosotis said, in flower language: 'I love you and I won't forget you.'

* * *

The sky was dark and stormy, clouds gathering for one of the many small showers they had every day. How Skimble could love Scotland in autumn so much when the weather was mostly rainy was a mystery to Electra. She stared morosely at the grey landscape rushing by the train. She was looking forward to seeing Skimble again, she had to admit that. 

Yorkshire had been exciting, not so much for any new stories she had heard, but rather for Rogue's having found a place on the stage, apprenticed to a seasoned actress. Electra planned to ask Gus if he knew her. She claimed to have been the first queen to play Lady Macbeth on the English stage; whether that was true or not, she owned a small cats-only theatre and put on shows, starring in or directing most of them.

She was an artist with a lot of business sense and Rogue had been fascinated with her from the start, constantly talking about her. In the end, Electra'd gotten a few new stories and Rogue had been given the chance to try his hand at a real theatre education. Saying goodbye had been difficult, although Electra was getting used to making friends only to leave them behind again. They kept in touch by writing and it still amazed the young queen how many letters she found at each collection point.

The sky was slowly brightening again and the downpour wasn't as strong as before. Perhaps there would be some sunshine when she got to Edinburgh. Skimble was waiting for her there, to introduce her to another friend of his, Emily. She was an Irish railway cat and Electra would spend three weeks with her. Ireland was last on her schedule and after seeing it, in a month's time, she was going to be on a train back to London, to the junkyard.

The last leg of the journey would be the most taxing and also the most exciting. It wasn't going to be easy to leave all the freedom and new discoveries behind her and return to her sheltered little world. Her thoughts were still in turmoil and she hated to be reminded of how much she really missed Quaxo, and not only when the moon was full, enticing.

The ache for his company had steadily grown, especially since she and Rogue had parted ways. She had begun to question her feelings then, carefully, and she had found that Quaxo was very important to her as a friend and that, perhaps, it was time to stop being afraid of the feelings she had discovered that night under the Jellicle moon. She was a grown queen and there were risks everywhere. One of these risks was, without doubt, to start a real relationship.

Perhaps Quaxo would still want to try, if she dared ask him. She fingered the locket with the small myosotis, stroking the satin band tied around her neck. The young tom was obviously still thinking about her and he'd forgiven her. It was up to her to mend the breach completely and she would have her chance in a month's time.

Her paw closed around her pendant. She thought of Quaxo's warm, dark eyes, imagining what it would be like to have his arms wrapped around her. She shivered, sensual memories of Adme's fur brushing hers overlaid with her feelings for Quaxo, emotions she was only now daring to associate with him. It was strange to find the Jellicle Moon had pointed her tom out to her after all.

* * *

"Etcetera, you can't be serious about this." 

"Why not?"

"You're supposed to _control _the mice, to _teach_ them something useful. You give them needles and thread, leave them to do what they please and tell them stories. That's not only inappropriate for a gumbie, but also highly dangerous."

"What danger can there possibly be in mice with needles? Do you think they will attack you, Mathilda?"

"Ms Mathilda, Etcetera. I'm your teacher and I demand your respect."

Etcetera sighed, "Sorry, M'am. Still, I don't see what I'm doing wrong. No one's harmed and ..."

"You are not fulfilling the requirements for a gumbie cat."

"I never have, have I? No matter how much I slaved over my sewing and my embroidery. The only thing I'm good at is knitting and that's only because Gus spent ages teaching me."

"Asparagus, the theatre cat?"

"Yes, Gus. Mum takes care of him and he often kittensitted me."

Mathilda looked at Etcetera solemnly, shaking her head, "I admit you're not gumbie material, but your inability to do proper embroidery aside, you have learned a great deal. There is nothing else for you and you've come very far. It would be inconceivably stupid to throw away your hard work when you need this education."

"That's not quite true," the young queen smiled, "I've been training as a healer with Betsy and Ms Athena in the past months. I've already received my certificate in herb lore and I've been given the address of a resident London healer to complete my studies."

"Are you telling me you are quitting?"

"No. I've worked hard for you, to prove to myself that I can do it. And I got through everything. You can give me as much trouble about the teaching aspects as you want; I no longer need to make a point for my mother or for myself. I could be a gumbie, but I don't want to."

"You're like Jellylorum."

Etcetera frowned. Mathilda had never before used her mother's name, in fact she'd never referred to Jelly or the junkyard in all the time the young queen had been with her, "What are you saying? That Mum's a quitter?"

"I never had the talent Jellylorum had, but she decided, after a relationship gone wrong that she wasn't going to train as a gumbie. Instead, she stayed at the junkyard morosely, hooked up with some Jellicle tom for a nice matehood with kitten. Now she's looking after a dilapidated theatre cat and mourning the good old days. I've seen her here, I know she regrets choosing the easy way. I didn't."

Something froze in Etcetera and her face hardened. She might not get on well with her mother, yet she wouldn't allow anyone to make such careless assumptions.

"You are mistaken. Mum might regret not having had her education, but she didn't make an easy choice. Not once; she has no mate, because my father – some coward tom – left her when she got pregnant. I know, from Gus, that she had choices. Bustopher offered to be her mate and she was also had a chance for abortion. Either of these choices would have made her life a lot easier and still she chose the hard way. She remained alone, helped out at the theatre and later cared for Gus, all while raising me."

Etcetera noticed, with a certain smugness, that Mathilda had paled while she spoke.

"That's not possible."

"Do you think I'd be lying? That Gus would lie to me?"

"She can't have been pregnant from him. He swore he hadn't touched her."

"Who?"

"Glamrig."

It wasn't difficult to make a connection, "I heard you'd quarrelled about a tom, was that him?"

"Glamrig said he only loved me. He wanted to run away with me."

"But then he was suddenly gone?" There was something pitiable in the way Mathilda stared at the wall, tail twitching nervously as she nodded. Etcetera sighed, "Mum never talked about my father. I didn't even know his name."

"I can understand why," An emotion flashed across Mathilda's eyes as she straightened, suddenly, "This has nothing to do with our previous discussion, Etcetera, and I think you should forget I ever spoke of this. So do you or do you not want to finish your education here?"

"I have already finished my studies, M'am. I'm ready to go home."

Mathilda nodded, "I will write to your mother to tell her you've decided to quit. She can send someone to pick you up."

Etcetera shook her head slowly, "That won't be necessary, I can travel on my own. I will check with Betsy if Ms Athena has any more training scheduled. If not, I'll take the next train to London, which leaves tomorrow morning at 8:35."

Finally, Etcetera had something to look forward to. She was going home at last and she felt that she had come a long way. Half a year had taught her that she was no longer a kitten and had to stand up for herself and her actions. Absence had also shown her that her love for Tugger was exactly what she had believed it to be – right and lasting.

* * *

"Tangles... I swear he did it on purpose," Tugger cursed under his breath as he tried to put his mane back to order. It was all his brother's fault, as usual – there was absolutely no necessity to check the back streets for suspicious activity when there was none. Rumple and Mungo had reported everything was fine earlier that morning and still the tabby knight, being his paranoid self, had dragged Tugger on a scouting tour. 

Too bad Admetus had been unavailable; he had been for quite a while, actually, or perhaps Munk simply enjoyed tormenting his brother too much to ask someone who could clean up twice as fast and was far more skilful in tracing gang activities in their backyard.

Tugger sighed, finally smoothing the last heavy tangle, patting his mane. Presentable again, if only for his mirror. There was no one to see him – he automatically reached for his sketchpad even as a giant yawn stretched his jaws. There was a knock on the door. Tugger didn't even bother to turn around, probably just Munk trying to buy his forgiveness with dinner, "Come in!"

"Evening Tugs."

He turned like a flash, staring at the last cat he'd thought of seeing. She stood on his threshold, smiling up at him, the last kittenish traces gone from her face, her eyes brighter than he remembered, wide and sparkling.

"I'm home," she said simply, holding out her paw in greeting. He stepped forward without a thought, reaching for her and drawing her into his arms. He pressed her tight against his chest, lifting her paws off the ground as her arms came around to hold him. Her fur was dishevelled and smelled of wind and rain.

"Etcy," no more than a whisper against her ear as she purred against his neck until he set her down again, abruptly stepping back, distancing himself. He had let his guard down, unprepared for seeing her again so soon; he silently cursed his own stupidity. Etcetera moved forward, closing the distance he'd put between them, touching his chin and forcing him to look at her, "I'm home, Tugs, and I'm staying in London – for good."

Tugger cleared his throat, "That's grand. Nice to see you again. Your mum'll be happy." His voice was gruff and he turned away from her touch, her gaze.

Etcetera closed her eyes briefly, taking a deep breath. She knew he cared for her but he didn't yet seem ready to admit it. A slow smile stole onto her face – he himself had told her not to give in and to fight for what she believed in and that was precisely what she would do.

"I'd better go and see Mum then, Tugs, hadn't I?" Another try to draw him out; he only nodded.

"I'll see you, Tugs." She choked back the desperate 'I love you' that had hung unspoken between them ever since their first night together. Now was not the time. He wasn't ready, not yet. Etcetera turned around, closing the door carefully behind her and walking towards her mother's place.

* * *

Etcetera knocked gingerly, hoping Jelly would be in. She had to talk to her mother now, before she lost her courage; having no place to go but home was helpful, though. She had hoped Tugger would let her stay, of course – the door opened, her mother staring at her. 

"Why... Etcy! I didn't expect you, you..." and just like this, Etcetera found herself grabbed in a tight hug and only let go when she thought she'd never breathe again. Jelly drew her inside, looking her up and down, "It's wonderful to have you back! And so quickly, I thought you'd be training another month, I'm so proud of you!"

"Mum," there really wasn't a gentle way to break the news, "I quit."

Jelly's mouth opened, but no words came out. Etcetera couldn't remember having ever seen her speechless; she took the opportunity, "I've quit, because I never really wanted to be a gumbie. I told you and I meant it. I've done most of my classes and passed them, though, Mathilda gave me a letter for you," she held it out to Jelly, glad her mother took it without a fuss, "But I've not been lazy or anything. I've learned something, a profession."

"Indeed," Jelly was highly sceptical, her voice lazed with something heavy and darkly foreboding – Etcetera knew she had to get it all out very quickly before her mother erupted in a screaming fit.

"I started training as a healer; I've finished my courses in herb lore and will complete my studies here in London. I've got the address of a certified healer who'll take me on. I know you're disappointed, Mum, and I'm sorry. I just don't want to get up in the morning and feel that I'm doing a job just to please you, I want to please myself."

"I'm not sure I understand your...choice, Etcetera. But I'm glad you at least decided to learn something sensible and if you are sure you want to be a healer I suppose that's fine."

"Thanks, Mum. I... I have something else to tell you. Two things, actually, and I ask you to please listen to me and let me finish."

"I take it I'm not going to like the rest of your news," Jelly looked surprisingly calm. She put the letter she'd already crumpled in her paws on the table and sat down, motioning for Etcetera to do the same.

Their conversation seemed to be strangely formal and it didn't look very promising. Etcetera could only hope she'd be able to stay with someone for the night – her mother was sure to throw her out after she was done. She took a breath to steady herself.

"Firstly, I just want to say that I'm not going to impose on you – I'll be getting a flat straight away. I intend to stay in London, at the junkyard, and I want a home of my own. Secondly, and I know you're going to hate hearing this: I'm working on a relationship."

"I assume it's Tugger," Jelly's voice was icy.

"Yes."

"I know you've been seeing him; Cassandra kindly informed me."

"I see."

"I suppose it won't do any good if you tell you he's all wrong for you."

"Yes. I know Tugger's reputation's against him, but he's shown himself to be considerate and caring. We've been writing to each other in the past months and he's been supportive and kind. I love him and I know he likes me – I want to see if we can build a proper relationship out of that."

"You are old enough to decide for yourself, Etcetera. I don't like this at all, I admit, but I think you're very mature about it. I hope you're not wrong. Having faith in the wrong tom hurts a lot – I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did."

"I can't promise you I won't, but I appreciate you warning me."

The silence between them was strange, as if for the first time it weren't entirely uncomfortable, laden with misunderstandings. Jelly gave Etcetera another long look, "You're all grown up now. I hadn't expected that. I ... I was going to have dinner, you are welcome to join me. Perhaps you want to stay here tonight, too?"

"That would be great."

"You can, of course, stay till you've found a place of your own. Although you might be more comfortable with your friends, I guess."

For the first time in her life, Etcetera saw her mother waver, unsure of how to talk to her. She stood up, settling at Jelly's feet and hugging her waist as she had done when she was little, "I'd love to stay with you for a few days, if you're really ok with it... Mum."

Hesitantly, Jelly's arms curved around Etcetera's shoulders, pulling her close, "This is your home, Etcy, I'm always happy to have you."

And Etcetera knew she meant it and she felt she belonged here, much more than she had anticipated, as if she were only just realising how far she had truly been gone from home. All the time she had quarrelled with her mother, she had never seen that she was leaving Jelly behind, only to return now that her kittenhood was over.

* * *

Etcetera chose an old VW Golf, recently arrived at the junkyard, for her dwelling. Jelly wasn't entirely happy with it, although her complaints were minimal as she helped boarding up holes and making the small flat habitable. Ms Athena's friend lived right across the cemetery, so there was no need for Etcetera to find accommodation near her new teacher. 

She took up her lessons again happily and, to her amusement, found that all the sewing and embroidery classes back at Alton were very helpful now for decorating her flat. Gus donated bright cushions for furnishing and some old curtains he had hung on to for years – he had planned to use them for a revival of 'Edward II', but, as he put it, there were too few young actors willing to play Gaveston these days.

"He wanted to play the title role himself; he performed in 'Edward' once, as Spencer Jr. or Gaveston I think. He was very young and it wasn't really a success, but Gus just loved the play. He's been dreaming of having another go at it, but with his palsy and his age he's no longer up to the performance and we all know he couldn't remember his text," Jelly had informed Etcetera as they hung up the curtains, covering the walls.

The VW became a cosy little nest and Tugger was the first to be invited to have dinner there, much to Jelly's discomfort.

"We had tea together, and Rumple and Mungo had lunch with me yesterday. It's not as if Tugs were the first I invited, he's just the first to..."

"I don't think you need to elaborate. You want him to be the first to stay overnight."

"Yes, Mum."

Jelly only nodded, very obviously keeping herself from making another comment. She excused herself early and Etcetera took out a letter from Electra which she had received in the morning.

_Dear Etcy,_

_Just got your last letter – congratulations! I'm so_

_glad you've found the right thing for you (and I_

_don't just mean your job!). I've done a lot of_

_thinking about my life, too. I love travelling and_

_I don't really think I can stay in London for good._

_I love being free, meeting new cats, learning new_

_things. Skimble will understand, I'm sure, but_

_Jenny might be disappointed. I want to go off_

_again after Christmas. But there's something else,_

_someone else. The Jellicle moon did speak to me,_

_Etcy, and it pointed out someone who is very dear_

_to me. I don't know if I'll have a chance with him,_

_but if he'll have me I'll try to make it work. Still,_

_I don't know if you can have a long-distance_

_relationship and I'm no longer quiet little Electra_

_who will be happy to stay at home all her life._

_It's still very confusing and also very clear. Quite_

_strange. I look forward to seeing you._

_Take care and my best wishes to Tugger!_

It was good to know Electra would be back soon – Etcetera missed her in a way, although she was sure their friendship would need to adjust. They'd both grown up in ways they had never thought about, had made their own discoveries in the world and there were lots of experiences they could never share – emotions, places, moods. Their kittenhood friendship would be something they would have to rediscover as they got to know each other again.

* * *

He was a coward; a weak coward who had yielded to the first temptation presented to him. Etcetera had kissed him as he stepped in the door and he'd reached for her and not let her go again, forgetting dinner, his resolutions, everything. His mind went blank and there were only sensations, her slim body pressed against his, welcoming him, the slide of her fur against him, her gasps and moans as he touched her. 

Now she lay curled around him, fast asleep, her warmth still seeping into his every pore. He shouldn't have accepted her invitation – he had told himself he owed to tell her personally that they had no future. All he'd done was let her hope, he'd succumbed to her again, body and soul and there was no way he could excuse himself, or apologize to her.

Disentangling himself from Etcetera's arms and draping the blankets around her gently, he moved to the small window and looked out, facing the cloudy sky. Though he could not see the moon he knew she was there, laughing down at him, happy for having caught him in her silver trap.

"Tugs?"

He didn't know what to say so he kept silent, refusing to acknowledge that he was cold without her near him. She couldn't affect him that way – he didn't deserve her and the sooner he accepted her loss the better for both of them.

"Come back to bed Tugs, it's cold." Soft, pale arms encircled his shoulders, a cool nose nuzzling his cheek and down his neck.

"I should go."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry, Etcy." She mumbled softly, holding him more tightly. Her body was warm and comforting against his back and he wanted to stay.

"Nothing to be sorry for Tugs..."

"I gotta go."

"Patrolling with Munkus?"

"Home," the word no longer seemed fitting for a place where Etcetera wasn't with him. Yet he tried to put as much coldness into his voice as he could. 'Break it off, break her heart and yours. Push her away, it's the best thing, the kindest thing you can do for her. It's gone on long enough – she came back to you and it can't last, not the way you want it to. So end it. Now.'

"Why? You can stay here, Tugs."

So simple and straightforward; could he give her an explanation? For leaving her, because he loved her? There was no plausible explanation for this, was there?

"I have to."

"Why? Tugs?" She was waking up, her voice had lost that sleepy ring. Slim arms tightened their hold as soft fur shifted against his back, brushing his side briefly before Etcetera snuggled into his lap, putting her head onto his chest, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his arms were hanging limply at his side.

"Please Etcy, let me..."

"Yes?"

"Let me go."

She seemed to ponder his request, but he couldn't quite catch the expression on her face, "No." Her voice was surprisingly firm and the blue eyes that met Tugger's were sparkling silver, as if the moon were glowing inside them. He shifted, trying to put distance between their bodies, but she was in his lap and she had no intention of being moved, her arms circling around his neck.

"Do you care for me, Tugs?"

'Not that question!' Anything, just not this question, not there and then, not when he needed to be firm and cold.

"Etcy, I..." a white paw brushed across his cheek, turning his face to the young queen's, so there was no escaping her gaze, no possibility to lie. Panicking, he got to his feet, pushing her from his lap none too gently, ignoring the slight thud her body made as it hit the ground, repressing the instinctive wish to apologize, help her up, cradle her against him.

"Do I care?" His voice was breaking, "You seduce me with every look, you conquer every doubt I have about myself with a word of yours, you give me safety and comfort by merely being in the same room and I never sleep as well as when I'm with you. I worry about you, I miss you."

He gasped, catching his breath, steadying his resolve. If he had to tell her the truth, then he would do that. He owed her – but he had to make sure she understood that they couldn't be together, ever.

"As much as I want to continue this, it's no good. You're very young and I'm a flirt, you can't trust me," he was lying to her, to himself, but it didn't matter any longer, "I'll hurt you. By flirting with someone, touching them, or by crossing the line. I might sleep with someone else, you know me. You deserve someone better. You'll realize soon enough there are other toms, better choices."

His voice was calm now, level, neutral and hard, "Let's spare us both the disappointment, Etcy. Let me go."

"Tugs." It was neither a command nor a plea, just the nickname she had given him – he stopped himself from speaking, "I listened to you, now you listen to me."

He couldn't refuse her this. Not facing her he leaned against the threshold, arms crossed, eyes closed, and jaws clenched as he nodded. He had to leave, now; and yet he was grounded by her simple request.

"I'm very young. I realize I don't know everything. That you are the only tom I was ever with and lack experiences in many things. I can't predict the future either, but," she paused, "neither can you."

He exhaled slowly, giving her the nod she was waiting for. Etcetera watched the tall figure, drawn into himself, projecting cold aloofness. She did know him, knew him better than he thought, could sense he needed the stability she offered him, the knowledge he was not alone.

"I can't promise you to love you forever, because I know forever's a long time. You might sleep with someone else, if your feelings for me change. I do know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. And I've fallen in love with you, began to truly love you while I was away. I love you now, just the way you are. Flirty or insecure or hurting; I only ask you try. You've been there for me when I needed you, you kept in touch when you could've just ignored me."

She paused again and he heard a rustle; he pressed his eyes shut more tightly in an almost weary gesture just before her paws slipped around his waist and her head rubbed against his shoulder carefully, "Stay with me, Tugs. No commitments, no grand promises. Just us – day by day."

He was about to turn towards her, make one last attempt to tell her they had to stop seeing each other, when she said, very softly, "Trust me, Tugs."

He spun around, pulling her body roughly against his, burying his head against her neck. The moon broke through the clouds just then, sparkling in the window's glass. Tugger looked up for a moment at the milky orb, realizing he was caught for good. He would never leave Etcetera's side again; he had not promised her, not yet, but he had promised himself.

* * *

Electra sighed quietly to herself as she stepped through the junkyard's gates. The assembly area lay before her, half hidden by a junk pile but she could just make out the shapes of a few cats lazing together in the sun on a warm autumn afternoon. 

"Electra! It's nice to see you again."

She looked up, slightly startled, then nodded and smiled at Admetus who had appeared beside her. It probably was his turn to guard the 'yard. Looking at him, she couldn't feel that same insane fluttering in her stomach that had prompted her to ask him to stay with her that night. Not that she had thought it would, still, it was like a revelation, seeing her choices before her again – she knew what she wanted now – even if she might never have it. Her paw reached to the small locket she wore, looking for reassurance, an almost unconscious reflex by now.

"Have you had a long journey, Electra? You look tired."

"Yes, it's been a long day, but I'm fine, thank you." She smiled, a little more brightly this time and took the paw Admetus offered her, shaking it gingerly. He grinned, pulling her forward and giving her a nudge in the direction of the tyre.

"Go along, then. I'm sure there's quite a few cats over there who're looking forward to seeing you."

Step by step, one paw before the other, her mind racing with thoughts, she walked towards the assembly area, towards home.

"El!" Etcy's call announced her presence to the assembled cats near the tyre and she looked up to where her friend lay curled up around Tugger, grinning and waving at her. The elder tom blinked lazily and waved slightly as well. She nodded a greeting, bemused at their obvious display of affection – Jelly was sure to be none too pleased by that. Or maybe she was; it had been quite a while and Electra had probably missed a lot of things.

She heard paw-steps just before someone knocked into her from behind, arms coming around her waist while another pair of them grabbed her shoulder and drew her forward into warm, ruffled fur smelling of wind and dust. She sneezed, laughing in spite of herself and the nervousness she was feeling.

"...home..." was the only thing she could make out coming muffled from between her shoulder blades where the face of her younger brother was conveniently snuggled. An enthusiastic patting onto her head made her laugh and she pushed gently to get a chance to look up at the lanky form holding her.

"Billy," she wriggled a little, dislodging the tight hold on her waist and turned, grinning, "Carby."

"You didn't tell us you were coming!"

"Stop pouting, she's back, that's all that matters, kitty!"

"Don't call me that!"

"What? Kitty? Kitty Carby, kitty Carby!"

"You..."

Electra burst out laughing as the two young toms stared each other down, furious, their eyes sparkling. Another squabble between them and she had missed those; Billy teasing Carby and Carby pouting and petulant – it was familiar, part of 'home'.

"Oh stop it you two!" Jenny's voice was warm as she pushed them aside gently and hugged Electra tightly, "So lovely to have you back at last, dear. We missed you so much and I'm quite despairing with the toms – it's so hard to keep them sane without you round to keep an eye on them."

Both Billy and Carby glared at her and huffed, broadening the smile on Electra's face, "I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh dear, you definitely have! Now, there, let me get a good look at you – my, you've lost weight!"

Carby gasped and Billy looked scandalized, "Oh no!"

"It's awful! El's only skin and bones!" Carby tumbled to the ground in a mock faint.

"Mum, you must fatten her up! Please!" Billy turned his eyes pleadingly at Jenny, who shook her head at him.

"Yes, please, Mum, you must save her from starving ... ouch!" Carby held his paws up in surrender before Jenny could swat at him again, grinning.

"Don't you be disrespectful to your mother – I'll have you know that I'm quite aware that it's you who eats the most Carby. But you're right, El needs some flesh on her – Carby, run and find Skimble and tell him to come home straight away."

"But he's got a ride tonight up North tonight!"

"Tell him El's home. That ought to be enough."

"Really Jenny, I don't want Skimble to miss work because of me." Electra didn't want any fuss being made about her, as pleasing as it was, though she knew that as soon as Jenny had decided on something it usually was done.

"Nonsense, he'll want to be with you on your first night home! You've been gone for so long! Billy, I'll need four more mice, be sure to get them in time."

"Yes," the long suffering sigh was accompanied with a wink and a pat to Electra's backside which caused her to swat at his shoulder, laughing.

"Oh, and Billy, ask Misto to join us for dinner, will you?"

Electra blushed, startled, meeting Jenny's open gaze, "You know, dear, secrecy just doesn't suit either of you. I'm old, but not blind. Quaxo's been morose since you left – and you've been glancing around you ever since you got here. It's time you had a good talk, no use postponing. Now, let's take you home first, so you can clean up and get a bit of rest."

* * *

Having dinner at home, with her family, helped ground Electra, making her realise that, although it had been wonderful to have her freedom, this was a place she would always gladly return to. Quaxo had declined Jenny's invitation, although he had promised to come for dessert. 

Electra was happy to have Skimble, Jenny, Billy and Carby to herself for a while – she answered their questions and basked in the warm glow of companionship that was unique to her family. They cleared the table together and, exactly on the stroke of eight o'clock, there was a knock on the door. Jenny's face turned considering, Billy grinned, and Skimble laughed. Carby just looked around and asked, "What?"

"Come on in, dear!" Moments later, Quaxo's appeared, obviously a little ill at ease. Electra's paw found her locket and she blushed, when she noticed.

"It's so good of you to drop by, dear, but I'm afraid I'm not quite finished with dessert," Carby sighed, "Perhaps you could take Electra for a stroll – she hasn't seen Etcetera's new place yet – I'll be done in half an hour or so."

"I'll come too!" Electra cast a long-suffering glance at her little brother. Billy cuffed his head, "Nope, you're coming with me, I've got to run an errand for Jenny."

"Now?"

"Yes. It's ... it's about dessert." Billy looked a little helpless; Jenny laughed.

"I think this won't do," she smiled at Quaxo and Electra who both looked uncomfortably aware they were being sent off to 'make peace', "I'm really not quite finished, dears, so you run along. Carby, you and Billy will help me, no discussion."

Electra nodded, turning towards Quaxo, "Shall we?"

He smiled, holding the door open for her. Jenny smiled at their retreating backs, Skimble chuckled, and Billy grabbed his brother in a headlock.

"You're not too tired, are you?"

"No, thanks. Does Etcy really have her own place?"

"Yeah, it's the VW Golf over there," Quaxo pointed at it, "She's probably over at Tugger's. They've decided to become an official item."

"Hm. I thought as much."

Quaxo looked sleek as he slipped in and out of shadows. His face was bright in the moonlight and his eyes shone; he smiled at Electra, his gaze caught by the locket she wore.

"I like it a lot, my lucky charm of sorts," the young queen touched the metal softly, "I told you that ... I thought a lot about us, Quaxo and ... before I say anything else, I just think you should know I've changed. I don't think I can stay here, not like Etcy."

"You love travelling," he smiled.

"Yes, it's exciting and I can learn so much. I see why Skimble likes to go off; it's not that I don't like being here, I mean, I missed home a lot. I have feelings for you, Quaxo, but I can't settle down at the junkyard, not yet."

"Do you like me enough to consider a relationship?" Straightforward was probably best.

"I think so."

Quaxo held out his paw, "Then I think we should try."

Electra smiled as their paws touched. Something shifted inside her and she felt as if she were only now truly returning to the place she belonged at. The moon winked down at her and she winked back.

* * *

A very rare sight greeted Tugger one early November morning: his brother, muttering to himself in extremely colourful language on his return from a meeting with Deuteronomy. 

"Morning, Munk."

"Tugger. Tell me again why I put up with that pig-headed old fool who calls himself our father?"

Oh, now that was something other than rare – this was a first. Munkustrap had never uttered such a sentence about Deuteronomy before and there had been plenty of occasions that might have warranted such an outburst as far as Tugger was concerned.

"Well, I honestly don't know. You've always been a saint when it comes to his moods."

"Tug, I really – we had a dreadful quarrel this morning. I don't understand him. I usually know where he's coming from, but this time I just don't get him."

"Care to tell me what happened over a bowl of milk?"

"Warm?"

"If I can persuade my Bunsen burner to start up, yes."

"I'll be eternally grateful. I've been up since five, doing my rounds before going to see father. We had frost tonight."

Tugger smiled, shook his head, and waved the tabby towards his place. Etcetera had already left for her morning classes – she often stayed over, for all that they weren't ready to move in with each other yet. Munkustrap sighed happily as he sank onto Tugger's cushion, assuming a boneless sprawl.

"You're working too much, Munk."

"That's what Demeter keeps telling me; it's not my fault Adme doesn't have the time, is it? George and Victor are dependable, but not that dependable, and Alonzo can't take over night shifts because Cassandra is strictly against it."

"You could ask me."

"Are you offering, Tug?"

He shrugged, "Why not? I don't think Etcy'll mind too much; I'll talk it over with her tonight and get back to you," he cast a glance at his brother, "And wipe that smirk off your face; I've not gone totally soft, you know."

"Of course not – although Demeter's been telling me she thinks she might have chosen the wrong tom; she apparently likes the way you define matehood better than my interpretation."

"Nonsense, she loves you – if she didn't, she wouldn't have stayed with you so long. You're insufferable, after all." Tugger had finally found two small bowls as well as a larger one to warm the milk up in.

"Runs in the family," Munkustrap sighed, "If I ever end up like father, please make sure to hit me over the head."

Tugger laughed, fiddling with the matches and turning the knob on the Burner to release the gas, "You'll regret you said this; so what happened?"

"Tanto and Cori were with me earlier; they've put in a petition to have their matehood publicly acknowledged."

"The twins?" The Bunsen burner jumped to life, as if in response to Tugger's surprise.

"Strange, probably; but then, with mystical, magical cats, it's probably different. They've always been very close. I checked the tribe's records – there's only been one instance like this and the couple in question agreed not to have kittens."

"No inbreeding, hm." The bowl of milk found its way atop the burner. Tugger rummaged in his drawer a little more before drawing out a wooden spoon.

"It's an incestuous relationship, no matter which way you look at it. Still, I talked to both of them and I believe they've considered all possibilities. They were calm, composed, and perfectly serious."

Tugger nodded, stirring slowly, "I take it father refused his permission?"

"He didn't even look at them. They handed in the document a week ago and father just glanced at it, his eyes widened in shock and he waved them out with his paw. He hasn't even acknowledged their visit. Tanto and Cori asked me to talk to him. I did."

"And it didn't go well."

Munkustrap's sigh was self-explanatory, "He told me it hadn't happened. Actually he said: 'We don't have stuff like this here.' Next thing we know he'll forbid Billy to be inclined towards toms...oops."

"I take it you weren't supposed to say that," Tugger turned round with a wink.

"Actually, I came across Billy and George kissing one night – I haven't, you know, spoken to either of them about it. I just, well, know."

"Munk, you just happen to know so much about every cat in this 'yard, it sometimes makes me wonder you have time for your own life."

The milk was close to boiling, so Tugger turned the burner off and poured the milk in the two smaller bowls. He held one out to his brother, cradling the other in his own paws as he sat down.

"I really don't know what to do. It's acceptable for Cori and Tanto to have a relationship, according to tribe records. They're old enough, they're both willing, and all they need is permission from the tribe's eldest. Which they aren't getting, because father is a stubborn fool."

"You're worrying about them."

"They want to be together, Tug, and there's really no reason why they should be. What father is doing is discrimination and I hazard to guess it'll be the same way if Billy decides to pursue his relationship with George."

Tugger could see the problem, of course, although he also saw a solution, one that Munkustrap probably hadn't considered, "Munk, I think it's time you talked to father about his retirement."

"You're joking," Munkustrap looked more panicked than scandalized, which was a good thing, "I couldn't possibly...and you don't want to, do you? And if not one of us, then who...?"

"I think you're the one best qualified, and I'm willing to stand by you for as long as you want me. I would be prepared to take on any duties you assign me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. But the really important thing right now is that you tell father, that we tell father."

"Tell him what?" Tugger had seldom seen the tabby look so frighteningly insecure.

"Tell him he's not the Everlasting Cat; we need to tell him that he's going against the welfare of the tribe by letting his personal prejudices influence him. And he needs to know we're not willing to stand idly by."

Munkustrap sipped his milk, a look of intense concentration on his face, "You're talking about blackmailing father."

Tugger nodded, grimly, "If you want to call it that, yes."

"Fine. This has to be resolved as soon as possible; I don't want a scandal of any kind."

"Then we mustn't let the situation escalate."

"Will you come with me this afternoon?"

"Yeah, I told you I'm your tom," Tugger raised his bowl in salute, "Now drink up, Munk. And you'd better remember that we have an agreement."

A black eyebrow raised sceptically, "Agreement?"

"Yeah. We agreed you're best suited to follow in father's footsteps and that I'm best suited to guard your back while you do it."

Munkustrap smiled, raising his bowl, "Well, then here's to our conspiracy, Tug."

"Agreement, Munk. Cheers!"

They clinked bowls, grinning at each other. Dealing with their father might not be an all-out war, but it was going to be a dire fight. They both knew that the future of the tribe was at stake – unless prejudices were worked against, their community would break apart.

* * *

"Etcetera, my darling, so nice of you to come visit. And you brought a friend, too, haven't you? Hello, my dear, you've grown very tall, Electra, wasn't it?" 

"Not quite, Gus, it's Tugger."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, it's the eyes, you see. Tugger, hm. You're one of Deuteronomy's toms, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Right, but you're not the tabby, your fur's dark...oh, the playboy then. Why, Etcetera, don't tell me you seduced the ladies' tom!"

The young queen laughed lightly, "Perhaps it was the other way round, Gus."

"No, it wasn't at all. Etcy's seduced me, wrapped me round her dainty little paw, and is now parading me about as her tom-friend."

There was a twinkle in Gus' eyes as he held out a shaking paw, "That's good, son. Just be careful you don't hurt our little princess – I might not be much of a threat, but Jelly's quite vicious, you know."

"I know." Tugger smiled as he sat down beside Gus, pulling the blanket snugly around the elder tom and winked at Etcetera, patting the empty spot beside him. She came over, curling against his side, "I wanted to let you know Tugger and I are seeing each other, Gus. It's not a secret, but we're not running around telling everyone either."

"I hope you have told Jelly, my dear."

"I have, yes. I think she's ok with it, sort of."

Gus chuckled, "She'll come round, I'm sure. And, since you told me your not-quite-secret, I'll share something with you – but you must promise not to split on me."

"We won't, of course not!" Tugger nodded his assent as well and Etcetera touched Gus' paw lightly, "Is it something good?"

"Well, yes, I would say it's good. You see, I think Jelly needs someone to look after her. She's been here often while you were gone, Etcetera, and I believe she's lonely. I'm not very good company any more and I won't be around all that much longer."

Etcetera made a soft noise, taking the old tom's paw tightly in her own. He smiled, gently patting her arm.

"It's the way of the world, my dear. But, you see, Jelly's spent so much time caring for me and I can't go without knowing she's well taken care of. I think Bustopher is a suitable tom for her; he is steady – if fat – and cultured. Their friendship's not as close as it used to be, although that might be a good thing."

"Good in what way, Gus?"

"You see, Tugger, they've both changed a lot, grown apart. And because of that, if they get to know each other again, there's the chance they might find more than friendship."

"You want to set Mum and Bustopher up? I don't know if that's such a good idea, I mean, aren't they a bit too different?"

Gus laughed softly, "Yes, of course, much like you and Tugger, Etcetera, much like you and Tugger."

* * *

Shorter days meant longer nights and the cold began to creep across the ground. Tugger had managed to talk Munkustrap into staying home more often, asking Victor and George to take on longer shifts. Billy helped out now and then too, mostly sharing George's shifts. 

Talking to Deuteronomy had been less troublesome than Tugger had thought; perhaps due to the fact that Tugger had talked, Munkustrap had placed a restraining paw on his arm, and their father had simply stared at the two of them.

As they had supposed, Deuteronomy was severely insulted by their "unforgivable rudeness", although he had grudgingly agreed to grant Tantomile's and Coricopat's petition. However, he refused to perform the ceremony. Munkustrap calmly informed him that he would gladly take over the task. A brief, uncomfortable silence followed, then Deuteronomy gave his verdict, "I will be there."

So he stood on the tyre, facing the assembled tribe, one early evening. The mists were already beginning to swirl around their paws and the air was heavy with cold dampness. It had been Tantomile's and Coricopat's express wish to have their ceremony at this particular time, the weather suiting them.

Deuteronomy let his gaze wander over the assembled tribe, coming to rest on the twins. He sighed, opening his arms wide in greeting, "I wish you all a good evening. We have come together on a joyous occasion tonight. However, before we begin, there are some words I would like to address to you all."

Munkustrap's eyes hardened and Tugger winced; this probably wasn't a good thing – there was no telling what their father had to say; it was entirely possible he would offend Coricopat and Tantomile to such an extent that they would break with the tribe. And once a rift had been created, once the leader had shown his overpowering judgement, there would be a breach between those who agreed with him and those who didn't.

There was complete silence around the tyre when Deuteronomy began to speak, "I have been elected to govern this tribe many years ago. I have never had to question my own beliefs or my judgement. However, when Coricopat and Tantomile, whom I deeply respect and admire, came to me with their request, I turned them down.

"You will ask me why I did so. I did not consider it wise to allow such a relationship. Munkustrap and Tugger both came to me and pointed out I was wrong to pass my personal judgement on two cats who deeply care for each other. In fact, there has been a case in the history of our tribe where a couple such as Tantomile and Coricopat were granted matehood."

The twins inclined their heads with slight smiles as Deuteronomy continued, "I was surprised and pleased by my sons' involvement in this matter, although I do not share their opinions. I am proud to see them engaging themselves for the good of the tribe, which is why I will consider their advice more carefully from now on. Today, however, I am sure Munkustrap will perform my duties with joy and good-will."

Admittedly, this wasn't what either Tugger or his brother had anticipated. Munkustrap helped Deuteronomy when he stepped off the tyre and waved the tabby on.

"It must've cost your father a lot to own up he was wrong," Etcetera whispered and Tugger nodded. He caught Deuteronomy's eye, inclining his head in wordless acknowledgement. The old tom smiled at him.

* * *

"El! So glad you could come!" Etcetera pulled her friend inside, hugging her. 

"Thanks for the invitation. Your place is lovely," Electra looked around. It was a comfortable, practical dwelling and it suited its owner perfectly.

"It's been ages since we've had the chance to talk alone, hasn't it?"

"Yes."

They sat down comfortably and Etcetera poured the milk, "It's strange, isn't it? We always stuck together and now there's so much to do we can hardly find time for a chat."

"I hadn't thought things would change so quickly."

"Me neither – and quite frankly, it never stops amazing me! Did you hear Adme's off to France?"

"Yes, he told me a few days ago. Apparently Bomba proposed to him and now she's dragging him off to meet her mother in Brittany."

"You knew; good, Tugger said I had to break it gently to you."

"You didn't tell Tugger that Adme and I had a thing, did you?"

Etcetera grimaced, "No need – Munkus did; Tugger swears the tom has eyes and ears everywhere. I begin to think so too; would you imagine that Munkus knew about Tugger and me before anyone else did?"

"Hm. That's really strange. So how are your classes going?"

"Great! My teacher said I might get my healer's certificate in January or February. I'm making good progress and I love doing it." The young queen laughed, "Of course, once I'm finished with my studies, I'll need to find a job."

"You could set up shop here."

"I've been thinking about dividing my time between Alton and London. Tugger doesn't know yet – I don't want to discuss this with him until I've considered my options. He can't leave here, what with helping Munkus, so I've got to think about it carefully."

Electra smiled, "I bet Tugger wouldn't mind as long as you came back to him. He seems to have become quite patient and domesticated."

"Oh, Gus thinks so too, he's always teasing Tugs about it. And Mum has decided that Tugs isn't going to break my heart and trample on it, so she's invited us to dinner next week."

"That's promising. Jenny's thrilled with me and Quaxo – she's offered to put some extra blankets with mine so he can stay over."

"Ah, right; I see how he'd be wild to do so when the two of you can have quality time at his place."

"You know Jenny," Electra chuckled, "Quaxo told me he'd rather I move in with him than sleep where Carby and Billy are always poking their heads in."

"So will you? Move in with Misto, I mean."

"Not now, no. We're going to Yorkshire together after Christmas though, visiting a friend of mine. He's got his first performance – as Benedick, in 'Much Ado About Nothing' – I asked Quaxo if he wanted to come and he said yes."

"So, is he the one?"

There was a short pause before Electra answered, "The Jellicle Moon is convinced he is. And I think I agree with her."

* * *

_The moon grows and wanes, its endless cycles mirrored in the bloom and fading of life – as kittens grow to adulthood, their guardian shares their joy and pain, their tears and laughter. And once in every cat's lifetime, the Jellicle moon glows only for them as they find their love mirrored in the eyes of their partner._

The End.

(1) _Myosotis scorpioides_ (aka Forget-me-not): small bright blue flower. Origin: French "ne m'oubliez mye", said to ensure that the wearer of the flower would never be forgotten by a lover (Concise Oxford Dictionary, 20th edition).


End file.
